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1. 3월 5일

2
5th. Saturday.
 
3
A balmy day. After dinner, went out to see Broyles. Passing by Miss Lindie Branham's, saw her and another young lady on the porch. The fence-rails against which I leaned to exchange a few words of greeting, seemed, wooden though they are, to turn into so many magnets and I into a piece of magnetizeble substance. I could not pull away. So I went in. Spent most of the afternoon in playing "mumblepeg" and marbles with some of the boys and Misses Lindie and Fannie S.
4
Wrote to Miss Lucy Flynt: Among other things of no importance, said I: I read the "Blunders of a Bashfulman." I was immensely amused with it. The book is by no means a production of art; yet it did me good to know that I was not the only bashfulman in the world.
5
Miss Martha Jones a missionary to Brazil addressed the boys last Wednesday night. Her zeal for the cause of Christ among the Brazilians interested and inspired all who heard her. She said that Romanism in Brazil is a mass of corruption. Through the immorality and ignorance of the priests religion has been brought to shame and reproach among the educated classes. It is a sad fact that the teachings of Christ could be perverted to a curse which were designed for a blessing." etc. etc.
6
Wrote to Mrs. Hoss: "This evening I indulged in a nap. Though I missed the supper, I don't regret it; in a dream I sat at your feet and had a delightful talk. As we think, so we dream.
7
"In her letter I received a few weeks ago, Mrs. Ashford intimated that you were thinking about going to Florida for a change. To which I said Amen! and pray that the way may be clear to enable you enjoy the needed rest." etc. etc.
 
 

2. 3월 12일

9
12th. Saturday.
 
10
This week has been a cold one especially Thursday and Friday. It is simply lovely today, but too much wind.
 
11
Wandering thoughts:―
12
1. The American way of the free intercourse between boys and girls tends to equalize passions. This enables one to select his or her mate without being misled by sudden and blind love―which is soon satiated and followed by disgust.
13
2. I have the slimmest confidence in the friendship of a non-Christian boy. There is no tie―racial, or national, or religious―that binds him and me. There can be nothing common between us. I know what I talk about. Many a boy professes to be my friend in the college. But occasionally I have met them in Atlanta; and found them no better to me than utter strangers. Call that friendship! Pshaw!
14
3. The M.E. Churches, North and South should unite. This is the subject for the Spring term debate on which I am to speak. The negative is our side. But the more I read on the subject, the stronger I am convinced of the advisibility of the Union. For:―
15
(1) Union means economy and efficiency, progress and power.
16
(2) The very fact that no article of any consequence could be found to read on the negative side―the fact why nobody defends it in papers and books shows that the non-unionist has nothing but mere prejudice for his argument.
17
(3) It is objected that if the spirit of Christ demands the union of the two white branches of American Methodism, the same spirit ought to be obeyed by the union of the Southern Church with the black Methodism; and that since the latter course is an impossibility, it is not wrong for the Southern Church to remain separate from the North. This argument looks plausible but very thin. For the reason that one can not do a great and hard task is no reason why he should not do a small and easy task. To love my enemy. I find it an almost impossible practice. Am I therefore not to love my friend―which is easy? Here is a man who says he can not bear to hear a negro preacher. But he calls the sermons of a white brother on a Sunday the means of grace. Because he can not tolerate a colored sermon, is he therefore to stay away from the white brother on a Sabbath?
18
(4) Or rather, the logic is the other way: if you can not do a small thing how can you do a great thing? If you have not charity enough, love of God enough, love of man enough to unite with the bretheren of your own flesh and blood, how and when do you expect to unite with those of other races?
19
(5) It seems to me the causes that keep the Southern Church back are prejudice and passions, honest though they be, and fear of being absorbed.
20
4. It is hard to say kind words when we feel bad; but we can do kind deeds even when we have a toothache.
 
21
Received a letter for Miss Lucy. She said that bashfulness is always due to lack of self-confidence. That's exactly it. She is a charming little creature.
22
Took a long ramble through the woods.
23
Mrs. Hoss seems to have forgotten me altogether. She is said to be somewhat capricious in her friendship. She must be. Yet I love her―indeed, so much as to call her my Mamma. She doesn't know this of course. God bless her and hers!!!
 
 

3. 3월 13일

25
13th. Sunday.
 
26
A glorious day.
27
After dinner, called on Mrs. Candler. She startled me by asking me:―"You don't like Mr. Bell. Do you? You may be unconscious of it yourself, but you can not hide your feeling". On any asking her on what she grounded her conclusion she said; "Well, you don't room with him, you don't go with him, and in hundred other ways you show there is an antipathy between you and him".
28
Certainly she is very sharp, though I confess that I cherish not the least animosity toward Bell. Only there is too wide a difference between his temperament and disposition and mine. He is too cheeky: I am too sensitive. He loves company: I love solitude. he pokes his nose into everybody's business: I mind mind only. He regards his impudence as a virtue: I carry my shyness to a fault. He tries to imitate every American manner: I hate any such "namaikishness" Examples:―
29
1. He calls all the boys in the college by their nicknames of given-names―Joe, Willy. Mc. etc. etc.―which familiarity many do not relish. There is only one boy in the college I feel free to call by his given-name; that is Nath.
30
2. It was only my 3rd year in America―when I was ready to leave Vanderbilt―that I took my pictures. Bell hasn't been here more than 4 months, yet he has his beauty struck already―a foolishness in his pecuniary condition.
31
From these differences. I don't feel any strong affection for him. Yet, I am far from harboring any positive antipathy toward him. One thing is certain, however: I would never travel with him in this country, if I could help it.
32
This morning, Marv. Williams, Sheppard and myself, after the worship, went to the negro Methodist Church. Found the church by far tidier than I feared. As rule there were three preachers in the pulpit. Each preached a little. They did not go into the regular sing-song style which a colored divine generally indulge in. The audience was orderly―no dancing, no crying, no laughing, no embracing, no shouting. The pastor seems to be an educated man. Mrs. Candler had a S.S. class in this church last year.
 
 

4. 3월 15일

34
15th. Tuesday.
 
35
Cold and gloomy―like a man in bad humor.
36
Gall from a friend's hand.
37
1. Called on Mr. Candler. In talking about the condition of women in the East, Mrs. Cartwright said to me "Wasn't it strange when you first saw women so much respected in his country?" "Y-e-s", replied I." "But I don't think it strange". ―Right here, Mrs. Candler cut in and said somewhat in heat. "Don't you say before me that you think it strange that men should respect me". Heaven knows I didn't mean to say that either in words or in intent!
38
2. Then Mrs. Candler teazed me about my getting Miss Lucy Flynt's picture etc. Mrs. Cartwright asked me if it was true that I made a sweet-heart in Griffin. Of course. I said "No ma'm! In the first place I wasn't there long enough, and secondly, even if I were" ―Here again Mrs. Candler cut me short by saying "You didn't stay there long enough, as if, had you stayed long, you could have gotten one". To my torturingly sensitive soul―ever uneasy as sitting on a needle cushion―her words sounded something like this: "Even you stayed long, who would have you for a sweetheart- you a Corean!" She might or might not have meant this: She shall never have another occasion for lacerating my already wounded and bleeding heart so! Who ever expected such cruel words from her whose ten thousand kindnesses I can not sufficiently thank for! Yes, humiliations, mortification, insult and despair are the conditions or fees or being a Corean!
 
39
By improving scrapings of time between recitations, yesterday and today, succeeded in reading through Tennyson's Princess: a Medley: It is so charmingly written that even my dull head couldn't help appreciating its beauty.
40
Read EnochArden. I like this story better than the Princess. The characters in the former are nearer to truth than those in the latter. The love of Annie is womanly; the life of Enoch, heroic; the affection of Philip, pure and constant. Compared with the lifelike scenes in the story of Enoch the college, the orations, the fightings etc in the Princess dwindle into pompous but childish play. The moral tone of "EnochArden" is of the purest type. I left the "Princess" amused but incredulous: "Enoch" left me sadder but wiser.
41
A dude who happens to be a Senior is a most Majestic, Un-approachable. and I-am-above-you sort of a fool. See Jim N.
 
 

5. 3월 18일

43
18th. Friday. 31゚: 28゚ F.night=-2 2/9°C.28-32=-4/1×5/9=-20/9
 
44
Bitter cold―strong northwest―flakes of snow―frowning sky.
 
45
Wandering thoughts;―
46
1. Silence is a virtue. Not only that every great man has the "talent of silence"! not only that Carlyle recommends it; but that I find it so hard to practice. Someone remarked that fools and wise men talk so much alike that he couldn't tell which is which until one of them quit talking. A homely yet wise saying―this.
47
2. Never be anxious about explaining your motives in doing a thing. If right what is the use of explanation? If wrong, no explanation can justify it. Explanation means weakness.
48
3. A white child with blue eyes, golden ringlets, and rosy cheeks irresistibly suggests the idea of an angel. But if goes beyond the utmost stretch of my fancy to imagine an angel out of a negro child or a negress.
49
4. Negro servants of the ante-bellum type are a model for obedience and fidelity. But the young negroes of Howard type who serve as waiters etc. etc. are meanness, rascality, and ingratitude personified.
50
5. If you believe in Hell and its horrors, you ought to be greatly concerned about saving souls from going there. But you are not. Therefore you don't believe in Hell. This is an argument often used by an infidel. Let us see:―
51
Two years ago a flood literally wiped out Johnstown destroying hundreds of lives. It was a terrible accident. The news reached Wesley hall. Everybody believed it and was sorry for it. Did that belief and sorrow disturb the slumber or diminish the appetite of anybody? Not at all. Now suppose I should have said to Dr. Garland. (taking him to be fair sample of piety) : "If you believe in the Johnstown flood and its horrors, you ought to be so grieved that you can hardly eat or sleep. But you are not so grieved. Therefore you don't believe in the Johnstown flood," ―should I have said this I would have proved my goose-ship beyond doubt.
52
Conclusion. Most men are so constituted that to them "things seen are mightier than things heard". Very few have an imagination strong enough to realize to a full extent the horrors or joys of an event that does not touch his interest some way or other. Fortunate that this is true. For who could enjoy his life if the scenes of accidents or calamities he heard or read of were as vivid to his mind as though he had seen them. Happy are we that we do not feel and see the tortures of Hell. Therefore it is no evidence of our unbelief that our fancy spares us from the smell of brimstone or the wail of the lost.
53
6. Poverty is bad enough to anybody. To a man of family, it must be a torture. Whenever I pass by a poor home full of children to feed or clothe without easy means of doing so, I can not help praying; Heaven deliver me from the cruel necessity of stealing the roses from the cheeks of a sweet woman by want of means of supporting her in Christian comfort.
54
7. Was surprised to learn in the prayer meeting this afternoon, that there are at least 75 boys in the college who indulge in whisky. Living in a sort of seclusion as I do, I have no idea how much corrupt communication, gambling and other devilments there are among the boys. One fellow went to Cov. last Sat. night with his face blackened.
55
Spent the evening in Dr. Candler's home playing checker with the members of the family except Mrs. Cartwright. Dr. Candler is an expert. After supper Jim and helped the Dr. in building fires under fruit trees to prevent them from being frozen in the night.
56
Dr. Candler is laboring under a debt of700. In his childish simplicity, John said "Papa, why don't you quit being the President?" Seeing in what simple style he lives I don't doubt that the Dr.'s pecuniary embarrassment is due to his unselfish devotion of his means to the good of the college.
57
Miss Fonzie, as she now looks more reminds me of 貞娘 than any American girl I met with.
58
When Mrs. Candler says "No!", her children know what it means.
 
 

6. 3월 25일

60
25th. Friday.
 
61
Boisterous winds succeeded by continuous rain. Hard rain two days solid. The winter seems to be very reluctant to its departure: it sighs and weeps so. Cold and no coal.
62
A letter from Miss Lucy this morning did me good.
63
Last year or year before that Dr. Candler was offered two positions each worth3000 per annum. He declined both.
64
There is a single-file plank road from Dr. Candler's residence to Mr. Steward's. Boys happening to meet a colored woman on the planks would not tolerate her to walk on them. I think manly courtesy ought to be shown to a woman independently of her color or condition.
65
Early this week received a copy of last number of Nashville Advocate. She―dear she―hasn't forgotten me. That's enough!
 
 

7. 3월 26일

67
26th. Saturday.
 
68
Pale sunshine.
69
Thom. Nelson Page, the celebrated writer of short stories in the negro dialect as spoken in Virginia, read two of his widely known pieces to a large audience. "Marse Chan" and "Pulaski", in their author's mouth, became charged with new life.
70
Page is a strong and large built man of fair complexion. He said that Marse Chan―or the idea of writing it―was suggested by a letter from a Georgia girl to a private in Virginia. The letter, he said, was written on Confederate paper of cotton. She told the soldier that she would marry him if he came back; and that he ought to come on a furlough as she couldn't and wouldn't marry him unless he came honorably.
 
 

8. 3월 31일

72
31st. Thursday.
 
73
A lovely day. Warm. 80゚ F. 80-32=48/1×5/9=26 2/3°C
 
74
Wandering thoughts:―
75
1. "The way to argue down a vice is not to tell lies about it―to say that it has no attractions. When everyone knows that it has." So says Holmes. Suggestion:
76
Which argues stronger manhood, to know the attractions of a vice―say, intemperance―yet to abstain from it; or, by some means or other, to destroy the sense of appreciation thus making temperance a matter of mechanical necessity and not of moral choice? I think the former deierves more praise than the latter. If so, are the right who maintain than religion means the destruction of all appetites for un-Christian pleasures? Dr. Candler says he does not drink wine because he loves it. Hence we ought not to be discouraged if we have an appetite for some forbidden fruit.
77
2. Holmes says that he "had rather meet three of the scowlers than one of the smilers". A great and useful lesson in this for me. Don't I smile too much―not, of course from any parasitic motives―but from a mistaken idea of politeness?
78
3. I assume that everybody dislikes and despises me until he or she has proven otherwise. This may be bad; but there are less occasions for disappointment here than in the assumption that everybody loves and honors me.
79
4. The struggle through another vacation looks grim enough.
80
5. If the schools in the infernal world teach arithmetic, they will use "Appleton's Standard Arithmetic" by Andrew F. Rickoff. A.M. L.L.D.: and the English system or standard of measures must be a fine addition to the instruments of torment even in Hell.
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