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◈ 윤치호일기 (1894년) ◈
◇ 4월 ◇
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1. 4월 1일

2
1st. (二十六) Sunday. A beautiful day.
 
3
I have been so much occupied with various things lately that the spring has come with its blossoms and buds almost unwares.
4
The recent K.O.Q. tragedy has disturbed my peace very much. 洪 is reported to have said that there is a K.'s accomplice in Shanghai. If so, he must have meant me. O God! I ask for no riches or reputation. Give me a home, as Thou hast given me a wife, to work quietly in. Let my luxury be the ignorance of it. Only let me love her and be loved by her in peace, undisturbed by the harsh notes of enmity and politics.
5
Took tiffin at Miss Hugh's with my 'Darling'.
 
 

2. 4월 3일

7
3rd. (二十八) Tuesday. A windy but beautiful day.
 
8
Met my Darling's father for the first time.
9
A Nagasaki paper has a telegram that the life of Mr. 朴 was attempted in the night on the 28th ult., the day of K.'s fate.
10
洪 has been transferred into the hands of the Chinese authorities. The Corean government telegraphed to the Chinese officials to send 洪 back with K.'s body, declaring, further, that 洪 is innocent.
11
Received a loving letter from Dr. Candler.
 
 

3. 4월 4일

13
4th. (二十九) Wednesday.
 
14
At 2 p.m. Prof. Bonnell and I called on Mr. Emeus at the U.S. Consulate to ask the latter if there were any possibility of getting out a naturalization paper. Mr. E. answered in the negative.
15
After a trial of 40 days Mr. Sung(沈先生) and I came to the conclusion that the boarding arrangement won't work. The constant quarrel between the cook and the boys gave us more trouble than the whole arrangement is worth. So we unburdened ourself by closing up the kitchen.
 
 

4. 4월 6일

17
6th. (三月初一 ) Friday.
 
18
After the evening chapel Dr. Allen called the meeting of the faculty to consult upon the best means of protecting myself from any possible dangers. At their requst I told them in brief terms my former relation with K.'s party that I have been persecuted by the Corean government not for any crime but for their suspicion that I was an accomplice of K. The ground for my fear is the fact that 李世植, the manager of the whole plot, wrote me the week before Mr. K. got here demanding an answer; the confession of 洪 that "there is another in Shanghai"; and the reported coming of 趙秉稷 to the Settlement to escort 洪 back to Corea. Yet as long as we are uncertain whether or not the plot extended further than the removal of K. and P., it is very difficult to say what I should do.
19
Wrote to Dr. Candler, Mrs. Armor, Rev. Cole, Bro. Echols, Miss Betthe.
 
 

5. 4월 7일

21
7th. (二) Saturday.
 
22
This morning after the morning service, Prof. Bonnell startled me by saying "My advice is that you ought to go to America and stay there 5 years. Your wife may secure a position in the training school at Kansas City. You may, at least for the time being, use the fund in Dr. Candler's care and the deposit in the bank here". While I thank the heart whose love overrode the judgement of the head, I can not help thinking that the realization of this suggestion is one of those impossibilities which will never come to pass.
23
If anything is strong in China it is mammonism. The whole nation worships money, luck and fortune. This is seen in their superstitions. If there is a deity worshipped in a temple by more people with greater devotion than others, it is a god of fortune or luck or money. All the red slips of paper that make a Chinese house so dirty have no other burden on them than prayers for luck, fortune or money. A Chinaman gives alms for no other purpose than to get good luck. A prostitute refuses to lend money to one who wants to marry; but willingly gives her aid to a poor person who wants to bury his dead. Why? Because she believes that help burying the dead will swell the volume of her "merits" and bring to her good luck.
24
Mr. Emeus, the other day, told me that 李敬邦, the son of the Viceroy, is a villain who is capable of doing any sort of meanness.
 
 

6. 4월 8일

26
8th. (三) Sunday. A damp and chilly day.
 
27
After the morning service Dr. Allen told me not to be upset by what Prof. Bonnell had said. An expected but unnecessary caution this! I have no more desire to beg for sustenance in the States than to leave Shanghai where I may and can be useful
 
 

7. 4월 9일

29
9th. (四) Monday.
 
30
This morning's News says that Mr. 徐孫麟(徐相雨?) , the Corean consul at Tientisin, came to Shanghai last Friday and that the day before yesterday (Saturday) that dignitary took 洪 and the remains of Mr. K. on board a Chinese gunboat and made for Chemulpo. A worthy crowd for a worthy place!
31
The last interview I had with Mr. K.:
32
1. He said that the Chinese dress made me look very young. He asked Mr. 吳葆祐 if it weren't best for him to buy a Chinese suit.
33
2. Mr. 吳 advised Mr. K. to replenish his wardrobe with foreign suits while in Shanghai.
34
3. Mr. K. spoke very indifferently of Mr. 朴's school. 洪 said sneeringly "What good will it do?"
35
4. 洪 said, in what connection I can't now recall “Chinese! we have no cause to thank you(청인의게 고마을 것 읍!) .”
36
5. When I advised Mr. K. not to smoke so much of cigarettes with the eye trouble he then had. To which he answered that he could not quit smoking even if it were ruining his eyes.
37
6. I invited him to visit my home; but he put the visit off to some other time.
38
7. Mr. K. asked me if 李世植 had sent me any money.
 
 

8. 4월 20일

40
20th. (十五) Friday.
 
41
A month has now passed since our marriage
42
1. My 'Darling Baby' has proved herself a priceless jewel. All the nice things said of her by Miss Haygood and other ladies have more than been fulfilled. She is affectionate. quick, sweet, refined, pious, confiding and responsive. She is as free from the superstitions of her people as a girl brought up in an American fanily.
43
2. About a week after we had been in the New Home. with a beaming face, she told me "Yenzai mei long tsong kawe tsai" These words smote my heart as I was then anything but 'kawe' on account of Mr. K.'s affair and of the anxiety for personal safety. When I disclosed to her every secret about the affair and the ground of my fears and my regret that I had never suspected anything of the sort before the marriage, she lovingly said "I am glad we are married. If the thing happened before our wedding you would have to bear the anxieties all alone. But now I am with you to share every thing evil or good".
44
3. As an instance of her obliging disposition, she had been in her new home scarcely two weeks when Mrs. Loehr asked her to sew her (Mrs. L.'s) children's dress. Yesterday the same lady gave her another bundle of children's dress to fix. As if this were not enough Mrs. L. brought three of Mary's school books(a Third Reader, a copy of Appleton's Arith, a mental Arith) to be covered with cloth. This is one of the cheekiest things I have ever seen anybody doing. ‘Baby' is so sweet that she takes all this almost as a matter of some religious duty. Mrs. L. has a tailor at home and is able to pay others to do these jobs. I don't see why she should impose on Sieutsung what she dares not ask her own sister(Miss Mary Allen) to do. I don't like to see anybody ladying it over my "Baby".
45
4. There is something fortunate in the fact that she is not a Corean and I am not a Chinese: for I am no more bound to conform to the absurdities of China than she is to conform to those of Corea. What is inconvenient in the Chinese usages I get around by saying that I am not a Chinese while our being Orientals exempt us from any of the customs of the West which we may not relish. Thus in our furniture and mode of living much of the superficialities of the East and West are dispensed with.
46
5. Dear Baby is beautifully simple. She is a perfect child in all the ways of the world.
47
About 7:15 p.m. went to 東和洋行 to take supper with Messrs. Okamoto(岡本) and Saido(齊藤脩一郞) . Both were sent to Shanghai by 副島伯 etc. to take back to Japan the remains of Mr. K. But they came too late and all they could do was to, through the exertions of the Japanese Consusul, ask the Corean government to spare the remains from shameful treatment.
48
Mr. Okamoto is a fine looking Japanese. He advised me to be as qulet as possible and to be slow that I might be sure in all my movements.
49
At the table there was Mr. Kusaba (草場) , the manager of the Japanese Shanghai weekly. He is a very smart man; but has a very dirty mouth for a Japanese. He said that it is a wonderful coincidence that 御芒菓 (a Japanese prefix to mango) should have the appearance of its namesake. This nasty witticism was applauded by the whole company and one cried out 'Omango' is good anywhere. Another said "Give me one"; to which a third way replied by pointing to the waiting maid. When we remember that the company was composed of the gentlemen of the Japanese society, politicians, editor, a doctor and student, the state of our Oriental morality or rather immorality can be imagined. The table talk was mostly of this sort in which the bright editor took the lead. He compared, most happily, his own mouth to the sexual organ of a woman.
50
Mr. Okamoto promised me his good offices in case I should be compelled to go to Japan.
 
 

9. 4월 21일

52
21st. (十六) Saturday. A damp and cold day. Rained in the p.m.
 
53
Had a good nap in the p.m. Miss 韓愛芳, the best friend and school-mate of the Baby, called on us. She is a remarkably sweet and bright girl. Had a pleasant evening with the 'Game of Quotation'.
54
Received welcome letters from Miss Fonzie, Dr. Tillet. Bro. Wilson and Jun McClure.
55
Mr. Loehr has as much 'I' in him as the 3rd figure in the Roman numerals. He thinks that order was better kept when he managed the school; that the200 privy of Prof. Bonnell does not work; and that it is strange that the boarding department should be closed up which he had been able to manage for so many years without difficulty. He says: "The boys must be made to feel that somebody is on a constant lookout as they knew that I was." I have following facts to answer him.
56
1. As good an order, if not better, is kept by Prof. Bonnell among the teachers and pupils as Mr. L.
57
2. The substantial privy which Prof. Bonnell built does work. When I first came back to the college last year, there was a 'modong' in every room and each 'modong' was often full for days. The walk between the main dormitory and privy then existing was so lined with stuffs that it was almost impossible to go about there in the dark without trodding on one or more heaps. Now the dormitory, the privy and the walks between them are respectably clean.
58
3. The boarding department was so miserably kept last year that no boy who could pay a little over2 ate in the school. I knew something about the wretched fare they gave as 河龍國 always complained of it. That's the reason why I recommended to the authorities soon after my return either to abolish or improve the boarding department. The difficulty of getting an honest overseer and an honest cook has made it impossible to keep a decent boarding department After the trial of a month and a half, in which the department had less quarrel and more to eat than during the last year, Mr. Sung and I concluded to shut the whole thing up not because we could not do as well as Mr. L. had done last year, but because we did not want to do as bad.
59
The best way to write a letter tomorrow is to write it today.
60
One of the difficulties in teaching the Chinese boys is the lack of ambition in most of them.
 
 

10. 4월 22일

62
22nd. Sunday. Rained most of the day.
 
63
Finished reading the Conquest of Mexico. It is an exceedingly brilliant book. In regard to its subject, Cortes is the soul of the History. His genius, before whose splendor the Mexican flora and fauna almost lose their color; his fortitude under which the granite palaces of Montezuma crumbled into dust; his perseverance that carried him from the position of an adventurer to that of the conqueror of an empire―a man of this stamp is more worth than the kingdoms he subdued. For the latter rise and fall but the spirit of the man lives through ages rebuking the coward and unnerving the weak.
 
 

11. 4월 26일

65
26th. Thursday. A rather pleasant day after four days of rain.
 
66
1. Our 'Niang-yi' is a study. She says that it is a sin 'zeiku' to eat beef; to sit on printed or written paper; to trod on a grain of rice, etc. Yet she has no compunction in telling lies of any account. The other day, she filled the house with horrible smell by washing her clothes in stagnated water. When I told her to use the water from waterworks, she informed me that it is a sin to use water too freely and that she had to repeat certain Buddhistic formula whenever much water should be used.
67
2. My teacher is a remarkably bright man and a member of Presbyterian Church. But to my certain knowledge, he lies whenever convenience demands. The day before yesterday I lent him my umbrella. When he came yesterday I saw him placing my umbrella against the kitchen door before he entered my study. After my lesson was over he amused and at the same time shocked me by saying that he had left my umbrella at home and that he would bring back next time. When I offered to escort him to the back door he most energetically declined the honor(?) as he called it. Of course I was too polite to insist on seeing him to the door as that would have certainly embarrassed him with my umbrella witnessing against his unnecessary lie.
68
3. As a rule, those who make great sins of no sins are the very ones who make no sin of great sins. A Chinese who thinks it a great sin to trod on a grain of rice laughs at you when you tell him that it is sinful to lie or say dirty words, or smoke opium. The pharisees of old thought it a sin to eat with unwashed hands, but to crucify an innocent man they regarded it as a sacred duty.
69
4. The Anglo-C. College is unfortunate in its location. It ought to have been at least five miles from the city. As it is, boys have too many distractions outside of the College.
70
Whenever I be permittedd to build a school in Corea I shall try to have it in a country town free from distractions and competition. The outlook of the A.C.C. is rather gloomy. It wants earnest and working president, a harmonious and interested faculty, a young and aggressive Chinese manager, and students whose ambition aims at a little higher than money.
71
5. Among the known and unknown causes for the habitual lying of a Chinese (a Corean as well) may be:―
72
(a) Despotism. This informal monster compels its slaves to tell lies by its love of flattery and by scaring them with the dread of unjust and cruel punishment. If there is one thing, more than others that makes me nausiate it is to read a long string of eulogies (all lies) heaped upon the emperor or some one of his tribe. Again, if anyone may be excused for lying it is he who unfortunately lives under despotism which deals out death and torture in its lawcourts not so much to get at the truth of a case as to wring our false confessions.
73
(b) The inquisitiveness of the people. A Chinese is an interrogation point personified. He asks you any and everything in your affairs. Now, is there anything strange in a non-Christian to tell some convenient lies to avoid great inconveniences arising from laying open before all inquirers the corners and nooks of his affairs?
74
(c) The doctrine of expedient, therefore, excusable falsehood. This doctrine has been practiced by Confucianists and Buddhists so persistently that skillful lying is a badge of honor rather than of disgrace; and that the love of lying has become one of the deep-seated instincts of the Confucianized races.
 
75
Mr. K.'s remains are reported to have been quartered in Corea.
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