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◈ 윤치호일기 (1905년) ◈

◇ 3월 ◇

해설목차  1권  2권  3권 4권  5권  6권  7권  8권  9권  10권  11권  12권  윤치호

1. 3월 10일

1
10th.(5th of 2nd Moon).
 
2
To My Sainted Darling in Heaven.
3
My Love! Exactly one month ago you left me. I shall never forgive myself for having left you that day. I was so assured of your recovery by the hopefulness of the doctors that I felt no sort of uneasiness. Well, all is over now. You have now solved the mysteries of life and death.
4
When I think of the sweet, peaceful and contented life which you might, nay, would have enjoyed to a good old age had I not married you; when I think of the painful fact that for eleven years you shared with me the toils, trials, travels and trouble of a Korean official; when I think of the premature grave to which the hardships you had suffered so bravely, out of your love to me, brought you―when in the desolate home I sit pensively and think of these things, almost against my will, I can only look up to Heaven and say, "God have mercy on me, a sinner." These painful thoughts would drive me to distraction but for the blessed assurance that you loved me and love me still and will love me always inspite of all my faults; and that you will take me to your pure and angelic bosom with as much rapture as you used to when I shall go to you in course of time.
5
Often and often while tears slowly fill my eyes I unconsciously fold my arms around your spiritual presence close to my heart with smiles of peace. To me you are not dead; you are living and loving and lovely as ever. Darling watch over me and our precious children.
6
Laura has been much stronger than I feared. She is growing pretty and her mouth, especially, reminds me of your's―so sweet. Allen and Candler have gone to the country with their grandfather. Helen Hardie is with me and the old amah is taking care of her as best she can. The little thing will never have your loving hand to pet her―the saddest thing I can imagine. But you are watching over her, I know. Every morning the dear little girl wants to see your photo which I have on my desk. 어머니 봐, 어머니 봐, She says. Then she kisses it. Then she says 아버지 도, 아버지 도 meaning I should kiss the photo, too.
 
7
I have been sleeping in my old room. Mr. Kang Joo Sa sleeps with me. Every evening how forcibly and literally the words of the following verses fill me with sad and yet sweet thoughts:
8
Silently the shades of evening
9
Gather round my lonely door;
10
Silently they bring before me
11
Faces I shall see no more.
12
O the lost, the unforgotten!
13
Though the world be often forgo;
14
O the shrouded and the lonely!
15
In our hearts they perish not.
16
Living in the silent hours,
17
Where our spirits only blend;
18
They unlinked with earthly trouble.
19
The still hoping for its end.
20
How such holy memories cluster,
21
Like the stars when storms are past
22
Pointing up to that fair haven
23
We may hope to gain at last.
 
24
The ring, my love, that you had on the 3rd finger of your left hand for the last eleven years is now on my right hand and will stay there until we hall fly into each others arms in that spirit land. This ring, I know, was the most constant companion you had.
25
Now, Darling, good-bye for the present.
26
Yours ever affectionately
27
T.H.Y.
 

2. 3월 21일

1
21st.
 
2
To My Sainted Darling in Heaven:
3
My Love! This day eleven years ago we were married. For your dear sake I wish I had never met you. Darling forgive me.
4
The beautiful Korean spring has come. It is lovely today. I have for the last few days been confined to my room―the room which you used to sleep in―on account of a sore foot.
5
When you were in this world you used to ask me to tell you of the current events. Brute that I am, I often refused to do so, because I was tired or something else. Now I will give the resume of the events that have transpired since you left me.
6
1. After two weeks of hard fighting, the Japanese―have driven the Russians out of Mukden. thus success after success is crowning the arms of Japan. In the meantime, the Emperor of Korea is busy in seling offices, building toy palaces, wasting money in praying to the spirits of mountains and rivers for the victory of Russians, in intriguing against Japan.
7
2. Japanese are encouraging the corruption and despotism of the Palace through Yi Kun Taik, Cho Pyong Sik, Yi Kun Sang, Pak Yong Wha etc. Cho Pyong Ho was appointed the Prime Minister. He had the courage to dismiss Cho Pyong Sik for corruption. Japanese at once made the Emperor to dismiss Cho Pyong Ho and appoint Cho Pyong Sik in his place! Thus Japanese make it no secret now that what they want now is not the welfare of Korea through honest men but the grabbing of Korea through venal scoundrles.
8
3. Japanese have demanded the recall of Korean Ministers to foreign countries and the transfer of management of the Post and Telegraph Department to the Japanese authorities.
9
4. Choi Ik Hyon. Some months ago the Emperor called Choi Ik Hyon, the noted Confucian scholar, to Seoul to advise His Hopeful Majesty. The grand old man did advise him to quit his meanness and mend his wicked ways. The Emperor tried now every means to induce the unpleasant advisor to return home. Choi simply refused to do so, saying that he would not leave Seoul or His Majesty until his advice is put in practice. The Emperor appointed him the governor of Kyung kui Do. Choi instead of going to the Province, presented a biting memorial exposing the damnable deviltries of the Emperor reminding His Majesty that everybody in Korea is sighing for the speedy destruction of the Emperor and that unless His Majesty introduced reform, the neighboring enemies would take the country.
10
This last clause in his memorial gave the Japanese-the Emperor I firmly believe-the chance to interfere on the ground that Choi was disturbing public peace by casting reflections on the intentions and motives of the disinterested Japan! The Japanese Legation demanded the punishment of the old man on the 10th inst. saying that if the Korean government did not take prompt action the Japanese military authorities would take the matter into their own hands. It was a short notice and, no doubt, purposely so. Of course His Majesty gave no attention to the demand, and the Japanese gendarmes arrested Choi early on the 11th inst. and conveyed him to their quarters. The grand old man demanded to see "Hayashi or Hasegawa, the scoundrels" 林權助란 놈이나 長谷川이란 놈 보자. His fearlessness backed by fifty years of honest and honorable career extorted admiration from his captors. He refused to take foods at the hand of the Japanese. On the 13th inst. the Japanese had to take him to his country home under an escort. Mr. Stevens told me that the old man behaved so heroically that Major Takayama 高山 of the Japanese gendarmery said in sheer admiration, "If there were fifty such men in Korea its independence might mean something more than a mere name." Well, then, why didn't he or his superiors let alone the only honest man they found in Korea? A significant confession, this.
11
I believe that the Emperor had asked the Japanese to rid him of Choi.
12
5. You never met Mr. Stevens. You know he came once or twice to see you but you were too sick to receive him.
13
Well I like him. I wish Korea were in good hands and we has such an advisor. As it is, Mr. Stevens can do nothing for Korea. When the miserable complications with the low-down French and Russians with whom Yi Yong Ik, Yi In Yung etc., made the most abominable contracts are settled, Japanese will ship Mr. Stevens home.
14
Mr. Stevens seems to be a man of heart, inspite of his American shrewdness and long years of diplomacy under Japaneses. It amused me very much―though I did not say so―to hear him say that Kokubu and Hioki have very soft spots in their hearts for Korea! I suppose wolves have precisely the same sort of soft spots in their hearts for sheep, as Kokubu and Hioki and other Japanese have for Korea.
15
6. My Darling, I am sure you will be more interested th hear that my mother has been looking for your successor. Our family interests and the advanced age of my parents make it necessary that I should marry soon. I have made up my mind not to wrong another Chinese or other foreign girl by subjecting her to the hardships and discomforts of a Korean home. A Korean girl for a Korean home. you know how hard it is to get a nice girl in Korea, especially as I can not see her before marriage.
16
Kang Joo Sa's girl was seen by mother, who liked her well enough. But a girl near Su Pio Tari is by my mother reported to be better than any she has seen. The girl's social standing happens to be such that we can not be married on equal terms.
17
7. I hear that Dr. Allen, the U.S. Minister, has been supplanted by Mr. Morgan. I do not know what the Doctor thinks of this relief but I am certainly sorry for it. Dr. Allan has been good to us in many ways all these years. But the thing which I shall remember more than anything else with lasting gratitude is his generous help in securing the place for your precious remains in the Foreign Cemetery. He did it without my asking for it. His kindness was as spontaneous as it was delicate. In contrast to Dr. Allen's goodness to us I shall always remember with indelible bitterness the slights which Mrs. Underwood the missionary, showed to you. She was not out even at your funeral, though the service was held within a minute's walk from her house. It was in perfect keeping with her discourtesy which she showed in not returning your call when she passed right by our residence in Wonsan. I saw her pass by our gate here often without ever paying you a call.
18
Well, Love, you are far and away beyond all this meanness, littleness and snobbishness. I may be mean in remembering such incidents, but I pray God I may never get mean enough to retaliate them.
19
The drought which began six months ago still continues.
20
Our wells are dried up almost. There is no sign of rain anywhere.
 
21
With love as ever
22
Yours affectionately
23
T.H.Y.
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◈ 윤치호일기 (1905년) ◈

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페이지 최종 수정일: 2004년 1월 1일