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12th. (16th of 11th Moon). Thursday.
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The first real cold day in this remarkably mild winter so far. In reply to a letter from Mr. Stevens, I said:
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"Your kind letter of yesterday, for which I thank you most cordially, found me in one of my gloomy moods. I wished I had the courage of Min Yong Whan to get out of this hell, with its Beelzebub and his devils, with its protectors and their protector criminals, with its Double Tyranny and Dual Anarchy.
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You are not the first friend who said I am a confirmed pessimist. Mr. Sill, Mr. Waeber and others told me so too, and that everything would come out all right in the end etc. But unfortunately for Korea, my pessimistic forebodings have come closer to the mark than their optimistic prophecies. I hope your optimism may have a better fate.
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Does my action puzzle you? I was pro-Russian when I thought Russia would help reforming Korea. But as soon as I found myself deceived, I turned my back to Russia, though to be pro-Russian meant promotion and wealth. I am pro-Japanese as far as, but no further than, I am pro-Korean. If I have grown cold in my faith in Japan it is simply because I have found her Juggernaut and not a Kannon-sama, full of mercy and grace, as some would have us believe her to be.
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This spirit which compels me to turn away from Russia or Japan with disgust, keeps me from joining, or even approving any puerile and subterranean intrigues that the Author of the woes and shame of Korea may be carrying on to regain the so called independence. Nor have I identified myself with any of the vulgar agitators. I believe that Koreans must take the situation that is imposed on them and make the most of it. I can help my country better in a private capacity than I may in the Cabinet as it is planned now. I see Yi Yun Yong has been appointed the Judge of the Supreme Court, the den of thieves. Compared with this corrupt man, Yi Yong Ik is a gentleman and scholar. Is this a part of the new program which our protectors have adoped for the salvation of us poor savages?
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However I may differ from you on the matter of this Japanese character in Korea, I am and shall always remain to be. Yours sincerely and gratefully,"
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Just a month since my return to Korea. On the whole, a month of beautiful weather. Rain now and then; but the temperature between 38 degrees and 58ㆍ9 degrees. A remarkably mild winter so far.
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Some curious hallucinations which Koreans of all grades are entertaining since the "Slave contract" was signed.
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1. They seem to believe that the condition or the prospect of Korea has become much worse after, or because of, the treaty. But, as a matter of fact, the prospect of Korea is none the better or worse than it was before the treaty: the Emperor and his devils remaining the same. Had all the foreign legations been promoted to embassies; had Korea been allowed to establish her legations in every state of Europe and America; had the Korean Foreign Office, with all its useless secretaries, clerks etc., been left untouched in the excercise of its diplomatic functions,-had Korea, in short, been declared an independent, sovereign state exercising even suzerain rights over Japan and China, the prospect of Koreans would have been unchanged. They would still have to face the problem of struggle for existence which the influx of the Japanese had rendered complicated and desperate. With the customs, finance, navigation, post and telegraph, railroads, trade, industry―in fact everything in the hands of Japan―a mere nominal independence could have been no real use to the people.
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2. Koreans believe that a formal and official announcement to the Foreign representatives of the armed coercion by which the consent of the Korean cabinet was extorted for the treaty, would arouse such a storm of righteous indignation among the Powers that Japan would be compelled to cancel the treaty. In the first place, which of the powers is righteous enough to throw the first stone at Japan? Secondly, what has Korea done during the last twenty years of independent relations with the powers to deserve the sympathy, much less the help, of the world? God himself will not help those who don't help themselves. Thirdly, what did the world do when the Japanese murdered the Queen in her own room?
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Absolutely nothing. Japan was then a comparatively insignificant state. What Power will risk the displeasure of the conqueror of Russia just for the sake of the Koreans, who are in the last stage of putrefaction? Therefore an official announcement of the armed coupd'etat or a formal protest against it would not be worth a rap.
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Laid up with a bad cold. Yesterday evening General Min Sang Ho and Mr. Sin Tai Moo, came to see me. They stayed to dine with me. When through with dinner, Min, in whom a couple of glasses of "Asahi" seemed to work mightily suggested we should call on Kim Sung Kyu. So we did. Mr. Kim treated us with Korean YakJoo, which was too sour to suit me. Min and Sin drank several cups each. Min's patriotism found vent in lamentations, in exhortations, and in repeating the same thing over and over again. I lay down to take a nap, with indifferent success. I was awake when Min came to the side of the host, and, in a whisper, delivered a speech, the gist of which ran as follows:
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"Now that General Min Yong Whan is dead, you and General Cho Dong Yun must be our leaders. That fellow, Yun Chi Ho, is anxious to cultivate the friendship of the representatives of the best families in Seoul. He went to see General Cho, but was offended by the latter's stiff politeness. Yun is proud, you know. Now that won't do. I wish you would see General Cho and call on Yun together and be familiar with him. Yun is a clever chap, though he lacks a fixed purpose(主心) . He speaks better English than I do, but I am better than he in my knowledge of politics and diplomacy. General Min Yong Whan knew this; hence he always consulted me rather than Yun. Yun, himself, knows I am his superior in matters of politics and diplomacy. He has therefore perfect confidence in me. Now we four must be four brothers. You and Cho must win over Yun. There were other incoherent talks, but all of the similar terms. Of course, the host, Kim, agreed, or appeared to agree with Min in everything he said. From this amusing incident I have learned the following lessons.
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1. He who eavesdrops on others talking about himself must be prepared to swallow many a bitter pill.
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2. Min Sang Ho was very much mistaken when he thought I had been offended by General Cho's stiff formalities. I mentioned General Cho's manner to Min as a joke rather than as a complaint. The truth is I don't care enough about Korean nobles to be offended at anything they may do in the way of social etiquette. I like general Cho still because I know he is a kind hearted and well-behaved young man.
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3. Min Sang Ho said I was anxious to cultivate the friendship of the nobles. He was badly off there. If I know there were any Koreans whose friendship was worth cultivating I would not need any introduction or go between. Nor would I be put off by a little stiffness or even arrogance.
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I seek for the leader, because where is a leader he will be found without seeking. Min Yung Whan was no leader; he was too narrow, too timid, too fickle. He had no personal magnetism. He loved or hated like girls―capriciously, and unreasonably.
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4. I like Min Sang Ho because he is one of the very few Koreans whom a Foreign education has not made a devil ten times worse than those who have never been abroad. I never had the least respect for his politics and diplomacy. I despise all Koreans who boast of being politicians or diplomats. Min Sang Ho is no exception. Say, indeed, I liked him because I thought he was not a politician or a diplomat. I shall like him still, because I know he is not so bad as that.
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5. Forever I may accuse myself of the want of a fixed purpose in nobler things. It is not Min Sang Ho, or any Korean, who weighs a person on political scales only, to charge me with that. Compared to him my career and conduct in the past ten years have been a series of ups and downs through which one purpose has run from end to end―viz. the purpose of doing right. The sum of all this is that I would be more careful and guarded in my talks with Min Sang Ho. The young man wants to play a diplomat on me―which wouldn't do.
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My Darling Angel in Heaven:
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My everlasting Love, you are so woven into my very being that your brave life, patient death and changeless love now sweetens, then pains, my heart, turn in turn, every day. Since your departure, my wife, death has lost half of it's terror for me, because I know that death alone can and will lift the veil which keeps me from your dear bosom. A Christmas since I have lost you. I am in tolerable health. Laura is doing much better than we once feared. If she keeps on improving, she may be able to begin study by next spring.
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Allen is well. Has made a considerable progress in reading and writing both Chinese and Korean. He is not a strong boy, physically and mentally. But he seems to have a lot of patience.
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Reid Candler surprised me more than any other boy, when I returned to Seoul after four month's vacation, by the great progress he made in writing. I had once thought it a well nigh impossibility to teach him anything. He is strong, though very restless and requires constant watching.
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Helen Hardie is a sweet, dear little thing―the pet of the whole house. There is hardly anything which she can not express in words. Her tiger stories are most wonderful. For example: "I saw a tiger at my door last night. He bit me here (pointing to one of her little fingers) . So I hit him with my fist. He walked away in my shoes. He comes and goes through a rat hole." She shows the unmistakable sign of her descendancy from Eve by always shifting blames on someone else. Everytime I ask her who cried in the other room for candy or cake, she would invariably answer, "Ama-kayo (It was Ama) ."
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This has been a dreadful year to Korea in general and to me in particular. May the new year coming have better things in store for Korea and myself. While I was abroad this year I enjoyed an excellent health. But only a few weeks after returning to this miserable country, I began to have cold and dyspepsia―the latter being no doubt largely responsible for my pessimism. Since your departure many of our old friends have either left Korea or gone to their graves. The Embeleys, the Allens, Mr. Brown have gone to their respective homes. General Min Yung Whan, Mr. Pak Jung Yang are dead. The independence, such as it was, of Korea is gone for good.
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My Darling I don't expect to know what happiness is until I lay my weary head on your bosom with your loving arms around me.
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