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4
I feel utterly "run-down". To study is weariness; to walk is toil; to talk is pain. Thus I have been for the past few days; only worse this morning.
5
1. The vocabulary of a fashionable lady.
6
He "I saw a Chinaman beating his wife."
7
She "Why, that's horrible."
8
He "I kicked against a stone on the way and hurt my toe."
9
She "That's simply dreadful."
10
He "I drank a cup of strong coffee tonight which gives me a headache."
11
She "Indeed! Isn't it awful?"
12
2. I feel more and more domesticated to the scenes and surroundings of Oxford―its irregular but quiet streets, its restful homes, its oaks, pines and blossoms of many colors, its Sabbath stillness, its peaceful inhabitants and its all.
16
Prof. Dicky preached. His voice is rich; his bearing, dignified; and his countenance open and handsome.
17
Even in this lovely morning, my heart seems like a lump of stone buried in ice―so far as religious emotions are concerned. I discharge religious duties from sense of duty and not from joyful willingness. Bodily weakness may have a deal with this; but the principal reason, I fear, is because I am not engaged in any personal work for my God and Savior.
18
A delightful walk to the Fall with John C. in the evening.
19
Went to Covington to make a talk on Corea. A charming moonshiny night.
20
Came back exceeding tired, having "footed" both ways.
22
5th. Tuesday. 80ﾟF. p.m.
24
Received a letter from dear Mrs. H. Delighted as I was to get it, for some time I dared not open it lest I might find "Dear Sir" and "Yours respectfully" etc calling me to account for my breaking the promise of writing piece for the Advocate. But,―Heaven's blessings on her and hers as the gentle April showers on plants―her letter was full of kind words and assurances of friendship.
25
Have been using spare hours for some days past in writing my "impressions" for dear Mrs. H. My observations, though honest, are so tinged by prejudice that I fear she may not like them.
26
A series of protracted meeting begun last Sunday night is now in progress.
27
Felt so tired that I had to steal a nap from 7:30 to 10:30 tonight. Missed the service.
30
A lovely day―though very high wind. ―Cool enough for fire.
32
1. Last night Dr. Candler said in the meeting that of all the years of his Presidency here, this year has been most remarkable not indeed for any moral disorder, but for spiritual indifference and deadness.
33
2. All endorse what the good Dr. said. The protracted meeting in last Fall had some tall shoutings, howlings, poundings and cryings which Dr. Moore praised as an "outpouring of the Holy Ghost", but unbelievers ridiculed as an overflow of madness―all this proved, by its consequences, nothing more than emotions worked up as easily worked down.
34
3. Now why is this coldness? It seems to me an answer to this may be found in the fact that we (I) can not realize spiritual things as vividly as we do temporal interests. Our negligence or diligence in secular affairs are promptly visited by reward or punishment. A student can not be indifferent to his studies without running the risk of losing marks or class honors or college "rep" A business man―how can he help being zealous when his negligence means the discomfort, nay possibly, the starvation of his loved ones? But in religion, with exceptions here and there, most people no not show much enthusiasm because their vision of the world beyond is but dim. The reward or penalty of the life to come is comparatively far off. No wonder then that the felt interests of this seen world should often cool our zeal in things beyond the reach of our senses.
35
4. Are we then to continue in this cold religious experience? No―of course not! How can we get out of it? Four things are necessary: 1, Prayer; 2, Bible reading; 3, More religious conversation with both Christians, and non-Christians; 4, Personal work.
36
5. Am tired, am disgusted with morality. An Epicurean said "Give us the luxuries of life; we will dispense with necessaries". I say "Give me religion, I can dispense with morality.
37
6. The harder I try to feel spiritual, the colder I get.
38
In the night, I led the prayer-meeting. Except Nath Thompson, everybody present confessed being cold in his religious experience.
40
1. I wish I had a glass of cold, rich and fresh sweet milk.
41
2. I wish I had a barrel of apples―sweet and juicy―to eat to my full.
42
3. I wish I had just money enough not to bother myself for next year.
45
Cold, but a beautiful day.
46
After dinner, Nath, Harris and myself went to the Newton County Poor Farm. It is a pauper asylum supported by the county. There are, at present, only 8 inmates all negroes. Their condition is wretched indeed. We sang, talked and prayed with them. The beautiful hymns beginning with "I would not live alway"; "My home is in heaven"; "I will sing you a song" ― these beautiful hymns which are many a time sung meaninglessly by a fat and fashionable congregation were full of meaning and consolation when sung (though in lame tunes) in surroundings as found in the Farm.
47
On my way to the Hall, stepped into the Midway Chapel to enjoy the S.S. singing. The happy and lively scene here presented a contrast most striking to the Farm scene I had just left.
50
Fine day―a brief shower late in the evening.
51
Dr. Candler preached a sensible and forcible sermon. He said that to tell a man believe before he repents is no less absurd than to tell him read before he learns letters.
52
The protracted meeting closed tonight.
53
A few nights ago, a boy was caught in bed with a negro woman (so the story goes) in Cov. He gave his name as Tropper (?) to the marshal. All the boys say that it was Clecley, a Senior, who seems to have more cents in his purse than sense in his brain. Poor fellow! Yet, I don't think he is any worse than many other dandies whose immaculate shirts and patent leather shoes make them look like gentlemen while their corruption out-heathens a heathen. What disgusts me is that these whited sepulchers call Christians hypocrites!
56
A glorious day―all the more welcome because of the wind and cold and rain which prevailed in the early part of the week.
57
Our board has been very poor indeed for the past month or two, especially of late.
58
I think it is almost a sin to return thanks for food that makes one groan because to eat it is a task and not to eat it is no pain. The everlasting cycle of biscuits and ham, rice and syrup, now and then relieved(?) by boiled beef, which is worse than no beef, and sausage which is a little better than the beef―this is too hard even to my patient stomach.
59
By 4 o'clock train went down to Social Circle with Bro. Budd. From the Depot we went straight to Mr. Newton's home. Found his family a very pleasant one. Stayed there all night.
61
17th. Sunday. (Easter)
62
A pleasant day. with cool breeze all the time.
63
After breakfast, two little Newtons and myself went out for a walk. Enjoyed it very much, picking wild flowers in the woods etc. At 11 a.m. went to church. Heard a good sermon on our Lords' resurrection by the pastor Rev. Richardson.
64
At 2:30 p.m. I talked to quite a crowd. Somehow or other, I couldn't get off right―badly busted. Spent the evening at Mr. Newton's home.
65
Bro. Budd preached a fine and earnest missionary sermon. After the church both of us went to Bro. Spencer's hotel. He is a good old man. He is very much grieved at the loss of his wife. In our family prayer before retiring, the old Bro. wept―an affecting sight that. He has no child. This makes the case worse.
69
Having missed the early train (4:30 a.m.) we had to wait 4 hours. Called on Mrs. Robertson, a sweet and charming wife; on Miss Maggie Whitehead, the belle of the "Circle; and on Mrs. and Miss Newton, our kind friends.
70
Left So, Circle for Cov. at 11:30 a.m. Reached the latter place about 12.
72
1. Enjoyed the change of air, scenes, and diet―though for a day or so. Returned with a considerable dislike to Arith. and the rest; but to biscuits and ham, with a sickening dread.
73
2. Mr. Newton, whose eldest son is now a Freshman, is a hard-common-sense man―a man of strong will, business tact, and of kind heart. He thinks the Negro is a great menace to America. He said he would die fighting than let a nigger rule over him. It seems to me strange that one should fear the domination of 8,000,000 negroes over 60 million whites―and the white has all the wealth, power, intelligence and education at that.
74
3. Mrs. Newton a fine looking and a most motherly woman. Miss Mayme, her daughter is a pretty and sensible young lady, not given up to the frivolities of fashion or of society.
75
4. At first, I was glad that there were two young girls in Mr. Newton's home, but then I was scared that I might have to escort either of them to the church. But I tried and succeeded in keeping company with the father or mother most of the time(!) . My bashfulness must be a burden on others as it is to me.
76
5. Bro. Budd, in his otherwise excellent talk, mentioned the chestnut that so many thousands souls died per hour in China etc. This kind of appeal isn't worth much.
77
6. Mr. Newton said that there are in his town many people who carry "rabbit feet' in their vest pockets.
78
Went up to Dr. Candler's and took supper there. I feel more and more attached to him and his noble wife.
79
Tonight Nath said to me in private that Bell goes after girls too much. This means a great deal from a boy like Nath Who is so charitable in judging others. No!―no girl has blushed or shall ever blush anywhere from or at my presumptuous advances. I am too proud to court the friendship of anybody, male or female, rich or poor, white or black, who may be ashamed of mine.
80
Received a letter from Miss Issie R. whom I had written to some days ago.
83
Both yesterday and today damp and cold enough for fire.
84
Clecley, on account of his immorality has been expelled.
86
1. He is no worse than many other fellows. Only difference is he was caught, but they were not.
87
2. The Vanderbilt faculty would no more expel a fellow for impurity than for drinking or gambling. If they did, they would have to send off 9/10 of the boys. Has Emory been located in a city, it would be almost impossible to keep its moral atmosphere as pure as here found.
88
3. The Seniors got up a petition for Clecley. Many signed it. So did I. Nath didn't, though. He said, "Make your name be of some account. If it is worthless, what's the use of putting it down? If it is of some worth, why should you sign it on a paper which is wrong? Nath is right.
91
From 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. put the whole time to writing the speech on the Organic Union of the M.E. Church and the M.E. Church So. for Spring Term Debate.
92
Bill Arp (Major Smith) lectured in the church tonight on the Cracker and Cavalier. He read; but his offhand talks on the aristocratic life of the Antibellum time was more interesting.
93
1. The Antibellum life of old wealthy planters was favorable to the growth of hospitality, good manners, and generous feelings; but it was of course productive of laziness, pride and class distinctions.
94
2. I remember Mrs. Cartwright once told me that when she was a girl, she thought she would rather die than disgrace herself by making up her bed. "We lived like princes and princesses", she continued, "and that made the Yankees jealous of us".
97
A luxurious morning; warm day; bright night.
98
With the exception of Wednesday, my physical feeling has been most wretched all this week. Just dragged through he duties of school.
99
The elections this morning in our Society was, at least the election of editors, attened by a lively time. Some rotten fellows threw in more votes in the interest of their candidate. A clean ballot was secured by disfanchising those who hadn't paid their fines, forbidding single shot votes, and by calling out each voter by name in orderly succession. If corruption and excitement prevail in elections of this sort, what must be the rottenness of votes in municipal or national elections where each candidate stakes his honor (if he has any) , reputation and self-interest on the issue of the competition!
100
Dr. Candler twice this week in his lecture-room made unsparing remarks on the vanity and contemptibility of duding. No wonder this, when all the notorious dudes in the college are notorious for their genteel appearance, stinking morals, degrading influence. They incur more fines in the Society than anybody else: they are better able to pay their dues than anybody else; they are withal slower in settling (if they ever settle at all) the Society debts than anybody else. They are the centre around which all the immoral elements gather. They dictate the "what-shall-be" the color of ties; style of hats; color and style of pants. They keep up gambling; they smuggle whiskey; they patronize harlots. It is a sad fact that some of these fools and many of the lowest moral wretches in the college are preacher's sons.
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