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◈ 윤치호일기 (1893년) ◈

◇ 4월 ◇

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1. 4월 1일

1
1st. Saturday. A bright and windy day.
 
2
In the morning received a paper-box Professor Berry made out to have been brought from the express office. Thinking it to be an April-Fool trick of some sort I hesitated to open it. But on opening it I was surprised to find a nice pin cushion in it. I would not mind be April-Fooled this wise. I am perfectly satisfied that the present is from Mrs. Berry. I appreciate it very much.
3
At 8:30 a.m. went to Cov. court house to hear the trial of two negroes for their suspected robbery. The judge, the lawyers, the bailiffs, the jury, all the mechanism of law showed the expensiveness of the judicial system of America while the free speeches on both sides and the carefulness with which the witness was sifted and the jury guarded, illustrated the respect shown to individual right. What a speed work would a Corean magistrate have made of this whole case by torture and summary guessing and decision!
4
At 2 p.m. Mrs. Berry, Luddie and myself set out for Bethany. The wind was strong and the road dusty. The ride was an invigorating change to me, a severe headache notwithstanding. After 3 hours ride, we reached Col. F.L. Livingstone's residence. Was charmed with the plainness and simplicity of his living. The Col.'s bedroom has a large open fireplace. A piece of old carpet covers a part of the room. His desk in the middle. A bed, a bureau, a plain black painted bookcase and a leather trunk occupy each corner of the modestly funished room.
5
Col. Livingston was affable and without affectation. On hearing that I intended to preach, he said: "That's good work. I believe one ought to have common sense in preaching as well as in merchandizing. If you cannot have learning and common sense at the same time, I say let go your learning. Some of our theological seminaries stuff a fellow with whole lots of trash which they call learning or cultivation without developing his common sense." This sage observation―which sounds like Candler's―the Congressman illustrated by an anecdote. "There was a young man just from a divinity school, sent to a church in middle Georgia. Before he was there long he fell in love with a young lady. One Saturday night when he got through with his preparation of a sermon, it was 12 o'clock. He got up and went to the girl's home. His midnight knocks alarmed her father and brought him to the door. When he saw the preacher he was doubly surprised and asked him what happened. The young divine told him that he had come to see his daughter. The enraged father contemptuously answered that his daughter had gone to sleep many hours ago and that he did not know whether she would receive company in her bed."
6
After supper at the Col.'s, we went to Mrs. Blanton's, the maternal home of Mrs. Berry. There was joy in the little cottage as the mother. daughters, sisters, grandaughters, brothers sat around the blazing fire. A few simple airs on a fiddle made the scene happier.
7
Even a poor family in a rude cottage have more to enjoy in this country than a man of means in Corea.
 

2. 4월 2일

1
2nd. Sunday.
 
2
Had a distrubed sleep last night on account of bed-bugs.
3
At 10 a.m. Mrs. Berry, Lottie and myself in one buggy and her two brothers in another went to Bethany Church. Col. Livingstone took charge of the S.S. and gave some very plain and sensible talks on the lesson. His father 90 or more years old is the superintendent of the S.S.
4
Professor Harris preached a good sermon on the resurrection of Jesus.
5
Took dinner at Mrs. Blanton's. At 3 p.m., we set out home. On our way, called on Mrs. Dodge. She keeps her house very neatly and displays a delicate taste in the pictures―simply but artistic―and books and their disposition in the room.
6
On the way Mrs. Berry fondly pointed out to me the old fields where she used to pick cotton, the streams where she used to fish, the woods where she used to play and gather flowers and the old home where her happy childhood was spent and where she married. Oh the sweet memories of our childhood home!!!
7
Mrs. Berry: "Lottie, that is the house where your papa used to come and see me when I was a girl."
8
Lottie: "Mamma, where did I was then?"
9
Reached Oxford about 7 p.m.
 

3. 4월 5일

1
5th. Wednesday. A regular summer day.
 
2
Last night I saw dear Mother in a dream. She looked just as when I left her 8 years ago―pretty, tender, sensitive and dignified. I asked (in English) for her pictures. The scene was laid in one of our old homes in Seoul. Oh! when will this dream be realized.
 

4. 4월 7일

1
7th. Friday. A lovely day.
 
2
Up at 5:30 a.m. Went to Atlanta with the class '93 to take picture. The boys enjoyed the trip hugely. Breakfasted at ... Restaurant 35 a piece. When I got through with my sitting for Motes, I went and out on foot and on car, till 2 a.m. Returned to the College by the 2:45 train.
 

5. 4월 8일

1
8th. Saturday. A pretty day and lovely night though moonless.
 
2
The debate in the Society on the subject of Hawaiian annexation was languid and boring to me.
3
Spent all the p.m. between 1 and 6:30 in reading Les Miserables.
4
For the first time in more than a month, I had the pleasure taking supper in Dr. C.'s under the benedition of Mrs. C.'s smiles. She thinks I am sensitive; but it is she that is touchy―quite excusable though.
5
Had a long talk with Dr. C. he talking the greater and best part of it. He told that it was the opinion of Dr. Allen and Bishop Haygood that I could do better to stay here another year than going back to Shanghai, unless providentially called. He recommended N.C. as a better state to canvass during the summer than Tex. He prophecied the increase of American influence in the East by the probable annexation of Hawaii, the defeat of the Chinese exclusion bill in case of it being made a test-case in the Supreme Court, the increasing importance of Corea as a missionary center on account of her geographical advantages.
 
6
Scattered thoughts:
7
1. There are men in whose presence sordid and small notions and thoughts take to their heels. Dr. Candler in one.
8
2. What will be the future of the Coreans? I believe in the doctrine and fact of survival of the fittest. Give them a fair chance―which they have never had so far―and if they prove not fit to survive let them go. Then my duty is to contribute my part of making them fit to live, the consequences being left in the hand of God. Christianity is the only salvation to Coreans.
9
3. I do not like the talks about this and that of native converts―of their salaries, of the wisdom of giving them Western education etc etc. Too much patronization and condescension etc. I shall never quarrel with my pay be it small as it may.
10
4. Methodism is a splendid organization. But its success was due to the spirit that gave the machine the life and not to the machine in itself. Now the danger of Methodism―and of other denominations, a for that matter―in the East is that the machine is set up before the life. That is the native Churches get the official organization and mechanism without having the spirit which alone can make an organization vital. The best course would be that a thoroughly heroic native force should first be created and let it choose its own machine or organization. This putting a highly developed organization on the native Christians of partial experience is like putting Saul's armor on young David.
11
5. It is pleasant to indulge in the contemplation that in course of time Corea will be as civilized as any country; that her millions shall one day talk about and enjoy freedom and laugh at the slavery under which the present generation labors; that schools and colleges shall thrive in every towns; that the towns and cities of the beautiful peninsula shall boast of their palatial homes, fine streets and public monuments. Yes, all this will come to pass. If the Corean does not bring this to realization, somebody will do it. There is no other course for a race than to improve or die.
12
6. Mrs. Berry said once that every commencement she gets tired of war speeches. She is not educated, but she knows by instinct that a bore is a bore. Now if a Southerner is tired of war speeches, no wonder that I am sick of the orations and declamations about Jackon, Lee, southern chivalry etc.
 

6. 4월 10일

1
10th. Monday. A lovely day.
 
2
Felt wretched most of the day. Hugos' Les Miserables helped me much by keeping my mind interested.
3
From noon the school exercises were suspended on account of a memorial service held in the church in honor of Mr. G.J. Seney who had recently died. Dr. Candler gave a short speech praising Mr. Seney as a man whom art of getting did not prevent from giving; whose business sagacity did not prejudice against culture; whose sectional animosity and ecclesiastical disputes did not alienate from his southern bretheren.
4
Bishop Haygood gave a brief history of the steps which led Mr. Seney to his generous gifts to Emory and Wesleyan Colleges, amounting to nearly a quarter of a million. Mr. Seney's sympathy for the Southerner was aroused and moulded into a definite shape by Bishop's sermon on the New South.
5
Read till dark.
6
After supper called on Bishop Haygood at Dr. Evans. He received me very kindly. I had nothing special to talk to him. I have no definite plans.
7
1. I feel sad: I am among this people but a drop of oil in a bucket of water, unmixed and unmixable.
8
2. Dr. C. smacked his lips very audibly 14 times in a 14 minutes speech today. I would not be surprised if Bell takes up that habit in a short while. Bell has already learned from Dr. Candler, the habit of pushing out the underlip away out and then pulling it in and of wagging the tongue beyond the lips from one corner of the mouth to the other―while writing. This habit is original and natural and therefore becoming to the Doctor; but it is simply ridiculous and sickening in the aping Bell.
9
3. Bell whose attendance to the class prayer meeting is very irregular and who often stays away from Wednesday night prayer meetings on the most trivial excuses, was seen last Thursday to press a Freshman to attend the class p.m. with the most religious zeal. I can't do that. In fact I am too morbidly conscious my weaknesses to be a preacher. I am too weak to practice the virtues I preach, and too conscientious to preach the virtues I do not practice.
 

7. 4월 14일

1
14th. Friday. A pleasant and cloudy day.
 
2
This week has been very unprofitably spent. The effect of last Sunday night's distrubed rest lasted all the week. Finished Victor Hugo's Les Miserables last night. It is capital fiction. 1. Bishop Welcome is a French edition of the Vicar of Wakefield of Goldsmith.
3
2. Jean Valjean is a most sublime character I have read of. His life well illustrates the effect of injustice and harsh treatment or of generous and kind dealing upon an open, sincere and affectionate soul. Javert is a terrible man, an incarnation of duty.
4
3. The moral laxity of the French people as seen in this book reminds me of oriental looseness more than any English book of this order has ever done.
 
5
Had a refreshing shower late p.m.
6
The examination of old letters now and than affords a high degree of pleasure and mental recreation.
 

8. 4월 15일

1
15th. Saturday. A most lovely day-sunny, breezy and cool.
 
2
The Phoenix of this month is out. The life of Neesima I gave to Harris, the Editor-in-Chief, more than a month ago, got left out. Making an ample allowance for my conceit etc., I should think my piece has more purpose than some of the articles that are found in the Phoenix. Well, I am a Corean.
3
Took a walk in the cemetery. Those men and women whose remains rest in that community of the dead were once as alive to the passions and pains of human life as I am. But their hopes and fears are no more; and their sorrows and joys―where are they? More than that, their fears and hopes, sorrows and joys were perfectly immaterial to the welfare of the world. Hence the wretched idea of supposing the world to be in a bad fix because our hopes or plans may go wrong.
4
Americans think and say that they are the last effort of the Almighty and that civilization has found her terminus on this continent. This may be, yet it is rather a presumptuous declaration. For the world has not yet reached its last stage or the race, its ultimate development. Classic Greece in her glory little thought that she would one day bow under the yoke of Rome. The Gauls, Teutons, and Slaves were the last people the proud Romans expected to establish empires more extensive than that of Rome. But all this has happened. Who knows but that one of those days the nations whom the American condescends to call barbarians and savages will put the cap on the world's civilization?
5
I am dying for the want of a woman's love, be it mother's, or a sister's, or a friend's.
 

9. 4월 16일

1
16th. Sunday. A beautiful day.
 
2
Dr. Callaway preached on human free agency. I slept most part of the sermon.
3
At 3 went out to the Poor Farm. The bits of stories of hardship Uncle Peter and Uncle Ben, two ex-slaves told me sounded like "Uncle Tom's Cabin" repeated. The substance of their remarks:
4
1. "Good Heavens!" said Uncle Peter a very shrewd negro. "It was a hard time. Whip and lash, whip and lash! We could not go to see our wives without a pass. When we went to our Church, patrolmen would wait for us outside to catch us poor niggers to whip like dogs, unless we had a pass."
5
2. I asked Uncle Peter if he were then married. "Yes Sir" said he. "But was very seldom a ceremony said at our marriages. There was no law for our marriage except that from above. We went along and lived with such women as we liked. There was no need for any law; for nobody knew when a husband and wife were to be torn asunder from one another."
6
3. "Were slaves sold like cattle in the market?" "Yes Sir" answered Uncle Ben. "Sheriffs used to call us off as he would dogs or hogs. There was no respect for the family ties of a nigger. The different members of a family were separated one from the other without pity. This here, "woman," pointing to a woman who sat by him, "was shipped down here from Virginia and does not know where her children are now"
7
4. "I saw worse cases" said Uncle Peter. "I saw suckling babies torn away from their mothers' breasts. I love to hear people read to me. Slaves were whipped if they were seen with a book or paper. I saw a poor fellow whipped for trying to read a cast away news-paper, an old one at that."
8
5. "The slaves in Tenn. fared better than us down here. If a nigger had a capital there to support him a year, he could get a livelihood with only a half of the work he had to do in Georgia." He gave as the reason for this the greater fertility of the Tenn. soil.
9
Called on Mrs. Candler and Mrs. Cartright. I was happy in their presence. Took supper with them.
10
Professor Magath preached in the night.
 

10. 4월 19일

1
19th. Wednesday. Cool and rainy all the day.
 
2
Too much marble-play yesterday-a holiday on accout of the contest for Sub. and Soph. speakers places―made my legs sore all the day through.
3
Received a letter from Brother N.H.D. Wilson in answer to my request to mark out R.R. towns in the N.C. conferences. He is a solid and hard working man. He will prove a better success in the ministry than Rawlings though the latter is more popular.
4
Dr. C., Bishop H. and Dr. Allen seem to think it best for me to stay here another year. This evening when I asked Dr. C. to give me an introductory letter for my travels, he said, "Have you decided to go back this year?" in a tone that touched me by reason of its kindness. "Yes, Sir" said I. There are more reasons why I should go than why I should stay―
5
1. I have been in this country long enough.
6
2. Before I go back to Corea, I desire to learn more of Chinese and the methods of Mission work in China.
7
3. It is time for me to do something besides going to school.
 
8
Wrote to Mrs. McClure. Sister has not written me a word for more than a month.
9
A month ago I sold my American Literature to McCullough for3 for which he gave me a copy of "The Making of a Man" priced at1.50 (though he sold to others at1) and1 in money. He put off paying the 50¢all the time. My opinion of his character being not very high I suspected some unfair motives. Today when I asked for the 50¢, he told me that he did not want the Literature and that he would return it and trade with my dictionary. The idea of going back on a transaction a month after its settlement! His snailishness and hoggishness so fire me that I returned him without any discussion his book and the1 and took back my literature. He is a preacher!
10
Bell's wit illustrated:―
11
Zed: "I would have scare Bell to death had I crawled under the floor and jumped on him with a noise like the barking of a dog."
12
Bell: "Well, you are nothing but a dog." (Outrageous for a fun!)
13
Zed: "Hush!"
14
Bell: "Oxford is now killing all wild dogs. You will be one of them!"
15
The goodnaturedness of Zed is wonderful. Certainly it indicates one's ill-breeding or mean nature to be crouching before threats and impudent to forbearance.
 

11. 4월 24일

1
24th. Sunday. A pretty and windy day.
 
2
For the past several days the mornings and nights have been cold enough for fire―though I have no coal for one.
3
A perplexity. My dislike for Bell grows daily. By reason of his love of imitation and rivalry mixed with jealousy, he thrusts himself in my way in almost everything I do. He keeps all his plans and schemes in secret; yet shows a most detestable activity in trying to find out mine. I have no special secret to keep; but his serpentine watchfulness often startles and maddens me. His would-be dudishness, foolhardiness which he calls courage, and brazen impudence make his very presence intolerable. As he runs about through the house whistling or saying "Yavo" (in German) instead of "Yes" pounding the floor with his heavy heels every step he moves―in short, he makes my stay in this house a torture. What shall I do? I can not keep on hating a brother and grow in grace.
4
A series of protracted meetings began this morning. Dr. Moore preached in the morning and Dr. Haygood in the evening.
5
Took supper at Mrs. J. Branhan's.
6
Have not seen Mrs. N.C. for the week. It pains me that I can not see her now as often as I did before little Emory came.
 

12. 4월 25일

1
24th. Monday. A cold morning, lovely day, pretty night.
 
2
Bishop Haygood preached. His style is easy, earnest, conversational. "If you discharge religious duties from mere habits, stand by them. But do not be contented with mere habits: get a life and that as soon as you can."
3
Dr. Candler gave some plain hits on the citizens of Oxford for being indifferent to religious meetings.
4
Mrs. N.C. sent me a jar of preserved figs. She is so good!
5
Lottie said to her Mamma: "Mamma, when I go to heaven and God gives me roses, I will put them in water." A child's theology of confidence and innocence!
 

13. 4월 26일

1
26th. Wednesday.
 
2
Last night, began copying off the Essay on Savonarola from 9:30 and it was 3:30 this morning when I got through.
3
A delicious night. Dr. C. preached a fine sermon; but I did not hear all of it, being so sleepy.
 

14. 4월 27일

1
27th. Thursday. A warm day but a delicious night, cool, moonlit scented by honey suckle and roses.
 
2
This evening, called on Mrs. N.C. She was planting chrysanthemums, each with its name penciled on a small stick. One of them was christened "Sweet Sixteen" and another "Lilian Bird". She asked me to write three of the former and one of the latter; and afterwards told me that she wanted to look at the flowers I had marked when I shall have gone.
3
Miss Lynn gave me a handful of geraniums, roses, honey suckles of different colors. She is one of the most loveable young women I have ever met with.
4
Dr. C. preached; but I could not enjoy the sermon, being too sleepy. A large number of boys went up to that altar.
5
Between 11:30 and 12, had a free talk with Bell. I made a clean breast of my late estrangement and unkind feelings. I told him that I could not continue in the same without committing a grievous sin, that this estrangement was due principally to (1) the harsh feelings excited between us by thoughtless and unkind words; (2) and the needless secrecy we have practiced in regard to our respective plans, as if we were enemies working against each other; that from this on I should treat him as a bosom friend and confidant and that we ought to respect each other's feelings by abstaining from unkind and cutting remarks and argumentations. He, on his part, made very soothing confessions and expressed his hearty desire to maintain the most friendly relations with me. God help us.
 

15. 4월 28일

1
28th. Friday. A warm day.
 
2
Mrs. Cartright went to La Grange. I felt as if I were bidding good-bye to one endeared to me by some natural ties. She is a strong, sensible and kindly woman.
3
This morning as I passed by Dr. Evan's I saw Faith and Haygood (Dr. Evans little boy) pulling a tricyle with a little darkie on while Paul, Bishop H.'s boy, pushed it from behind. Faith and Haygood seemed happy in the idea that they were goats and ponies as they called themselves to be. It was a striking sight and amusing to see the little negro beaming with proud joy on the tricycle ordering the two Little white children to pull the concern hither and thither. What a contrast, I thought, between this unprejudiced intercourse enjoyed by the children of two races and the passion, hatred and prejudice as displayed in the dealings of whites and blacks of riper ages!
4
Dr. Candler preached.
5
A beautiful night.
 

16. 4월 29일

1
29th. Saturday. Warm.
 
2
Called on Dr. Callaway this morning to hand in the "Alum Medal" Essay. He asked me how I would like the idea of his going to Corea as the U.S. minister and taking me as the secretary! He asked if the Capital of Corea were well built. I looked at him in full and said "No sir, for the most part it is very poorly built". Ah! it hurts me to the quick to confess the wretchedness of Corea. Poor man, I should be most heartily sorry for the elegant old doctor if he was to be sent to Corea! He does not know how hare it is for an American to live in a Corean town.
3
Late in the evening, called on Mrs. N.C., and took supper with her. There was nobody at the table but Mrs. N.C. John and myself. The fare was of the simplest kind: eggs, ham, biscuits and sassafras tea. But with her unaffected hospitality and cheering countenance, a morsel of dry bread dipped in cold water would have been more delicious to me than a banquet that had no love in it.
4
She said that Dr. Candler would be glad to have somebody else to occupy the chair of English and of Greek.
5
A beautiful night, only a little too warm. Wasted most the day in foolishness. Tommie, the fair little sister of Mrs. Berry, engrossed my attention too much. It is an absurdity overgrown―the attempt to read or study under a lovely shady tree with a sweet girl not a yard from you.
 

17. 4월 30일

1
30th. Sunday. A warm but beautiful day.
 
2
After the church, went up to Professor Stone's to dine. He is a man in whom there is no guide―true as steel and straight as an arrow.
3
Mrs. Bonnell, the mother of Professor W.J. Bonnell, is a very spiritual and kindly old lady. She said that since the Georgia State branch of W.C.T.U. is reported to favor women suffrage movement, almost all the ladies in oxford have withdrawn from the local society; that she believes womens suffrage is injurious to temperance cause; that, notwithstanding this fact, Dr. Candler has gone too far in attacking the Georgia W.C.T.U. so pitilessly etc.
4
Professor Bradley preached the evening sermon. "To suffer is a sign of man; it was one time a sign of God."
5
A lovely night, especially by the side of a fair girl.
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  메인화면 (다빈치!지식놀이터) :: 다빈치! 원문/전문 > 기록물 > 개인기록물 해설목차  1권  2권  3권  4권 5권  6권  7권  8권  9권  10권  11권  12권  영문  수정

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