I wasbornintheyear 18— to a largefortune, endowedbesideswithexcellentparts, inclinedbynaturetoindustry, fondoftherespectofthewiseandgoodamongmyfellowmen, andthus, asmighthavebeensupposed, witheveryguaranteeofanhonourableanddistinguishedfuture. Andindeedtheworstofmyfaultswas a certainimpatientgaietyofdisposition, suchashasmadethehappinessofmany, butsuchas I foundithardtoreconcilewithmyimperiousdesiretocarrymyheadhigh, andwear a morethancommonlygravecountenancebeforethepublic. Henceitcameaboutthat I concealedmypleasures; andthatwhen I reachedyearsofreflection, andbegantolookroundmeandtakestockofmyprogressandpositionintheworld, I stoodalreadycommittedto a profoundduplicityofme. Many a manwouldhaveevenblazonedsuchirregularitiesas I wasguiltyof; butfromthehighviewsthat I hadsetbeforeme, I regardedandhidthemwithanalmostmorbidsenseofshame. Itwasthusrathertheexactingnatureofmyaspirationsthananyparticulardegradationinmyfaults, thatmademewhat I was, and, witheven a deepertrenchthaninthemajorityofmen, severedinmethoseprovincesofgoodandillwhichdivideandcompoundman’s dualnature. Inthiscase, I wasdriventoreflectdeeplyandinveteratelyonthathardlawoflife, whichliesattherootofreligionandisoneofthemostplentifulspringsofdistress. Thoughsoprofound a double-dealer, I wasinnosense a hypocrite; bothsidesofmewereindeadearnest; I wasnomoremyselfwhen I laidasiderestraintandplungedinshame, thanwhen I laboured, intheeyeofday, atthefurtheranceofknowledgeorthereliefofsorrowandsuffering. Anditchancedthatthedirectionofmyscientificstudies, whichledwhollytowardsthemysticandthetranscendental, reactedandshed a stronglightonthisconsciousnessoftheperennialwaramongmymembers. Witheveryday, andfrombothsidesofmyintelligence, themoralandtheintellectual, I thusdrewsteadilynearertothattruth, bywhosepartialdiscovery I havebeendoomedtosuch a dreadfulshipwreck: thatmanisnottrulyone, buttrulytwo. I saytwo, becausethestateofmyownknowledgedoesnotpassbeyondthatpoint. Otherswillfollow, otherswilloutstripmeonthesamelines; and I hazardtheguessthatmanwillbeultimatelyknownfor a merepolityofmultifarious, incongruousandindependentdenizens. I, formypart, fromthenatureofmylife, advancedinfalliblyinonedirectionandinonedirectiononly. Itwasonthemoralside, andinmyownperson, that I learnedtorecognisethethoroughandprimitivedualityofman; I sawthat, ofthetwonaturesthatcontendedinthefieldofmyconsciousness, evenif I couldrightlybesaidtobeeither, itwasonlybecause I wasradicallyboth; andfromanearlydate, evenbeforethecourseofmyscientificdiscoverieshadbeguntosuggestthemostnakedpossibilityofsuch a miracle, I hadlearnedtodwellwithpleasure, as a beloveddaydream, onthethoughtoftheseparationoftheseelements. Ifeach, I toldmyself, couldbehousedinseparateidentities, lifewouldberelievedofallthatwasunbearable; theunjustmightgohisway, deliveredfromtheaspirationsandremorseofhismoreuprighttwin; andthejustcouldwalksteadfastlyandsecurelyonhisupwardpath, doingthegoodthingsinwhichhefoundhispleasure, andnolongerexposedtodisgraceandpenitencebythehandsofthisextraneousevil. Itwasthecurseofmankindthattheseincongruousfaggotswerethusboundtogether—thatintheagonisedwombofconsciousness, thesepolartwinsshouldbecontinuouslystruggling. How, thenweretheydissociated?
1
I wassofarinmyreflectionswhen, as I havesaid, a sidelightbegantoshineuponthesubjectfromthelaboratorytable. I begantoperceivemoredeeplythanithaseveryetbeenstated, thetremblingimmateriality, themistliketransience, ofthisseeminglysosolidbodyinwhichwewalkattired. Certainagents I foundtohavethepowertoshakeandpluckbackthatfleshlyvestment, evenas a windmighttossthecurtainsof a pavilion. Fortwogoodreasons, I willnotenterdeeplyintothisscientificbranchofmyconfession. First, because I havebeenmadetolearnthatthedoomandburthenofourlifeisboundforeveronman’s shoulders, andwhentheattemptismadetocastitoff, itbutreturnsuponuswithmoreunfamiliarandmoreawfulpressure. Second, because, asmynarrativewillmake, alas! tooevident, mydiscoverieswereincomplete. Enoughthen, that I notonlyrecognisedmynaturalbodyfromthemereauraandeffulgenceofcertainofthepowersthatmadeupmyspirit, butmanagedtocompound a drugbywhichthesepowersshouldbedethronedfromtheirsupremacy, and a secondformandcountenancesubstituted, nonethelessnaturaltomebecausetheyweretheexpression, andborethestampoflowerelementsinmysoul.
2
I hesitatedlongbefore I putthistheorytothetestofpractice. I knewwellthat I riskeddeath; foranydrugthatsopotentlycontrolledandshooktheveryfortressofidentity, might, bytheleastscrupleofanoverdoseorattheleastinopportunityinthemomentofexhibition, utterlyblotoutthatimmaterialtabernaclewhich I lookedtoittochange. Butthetemptationof a discoverysosingularandprofoundatlastovercamethesuggestionsofalarm. I hadlongsincepreparedmytincture; I purchasedatonce, from a firmofwholesalechemists, a largequantityof a particularsaltwhich I knew, frommyexperiments, tobethelastingredientrequired; andlateoneaccursednight, I compoundedtheelements, watchedthemboilandsmoketogetherintheglass, andwhentheebullitionhadsubsided, with a strongglowofcourage, drankoffthepotion.
3
Themostrackingpangssucceeded: a grindinginthebones, deadlynausea, and a horrorofthespiritthatcannotbeexceededatthehourofbirthordeath. Thentheseagoniesbeganswiftlytosubside, and I cametomyselfasifoutof a greatsickness. Therewassomethingstrangeinmysensations, somethingindescribablynewand, fromitsverynovelty, incrediblysweet. I feltyounger, lighter, happierinbody; within I wasconsciousof a headyrecklessness, a currentofdisorderedsensualimagesrunninglike a millraceinmyfancy, a solutionofthebondsofobligation, anunknownbutnotaninnocentfreedomofthesoul. I knewmyself, atthefirstbreathofthisnewlife, tobemorewicked, tenfoldmorewicked, sold a slavetomyoriginalevil; andthethought, inthatmoment, bracedanddelightedmelikewine. I stretchedoutmyhands, exultinginthefreshnessofthesesensations; andintheact, I wassuddenlyawarethat I hadlostinstature.
4
Therewasnomirror, atthatdate, inmyroom; thatwhichstandsbesidemeas I write, wasbroughttherelateronandfortheverypurposeofthesetransformations. Thenighthowever, wasfargoneintothemorning—themorning, blackasitwas, wasnearlyripefortheconceptionoftheday—theinmatesofmyhousewerelockedinthemostrigoroushoursofslumber; and I determined, flushedas I waswithhopeandtriumph, toventureinmynewshapeasfarastomybedroom. I crossedtheyard, whereintheconstellationslookeddownuponme, I couldhavethought, withwonder, thefirstcreatureofthatsortthattheirunsleepingvigilancehadyetdisclosedtothem; I stolethroughthecorridors, a strangerinmyownhouse; andcomingtomyroom, I sawforthefirsttimetheappearanceofEdwardHyde.
5
I mustherespeakbytheoryalone, sayingnotthatwhich I know, butthatwhich I supposetobemostprobable. Theevilsideofmynature, towhich I hadnowtransferredthestampingefficacy, waslessrobustandlessdevelopedthanthegoodwhich I hadjustdeposed. Again, inthecourseofmylife, whichhadbeen, afterall, ninetenths a lifeofeffort, virtueandcontrol, ithadbeenmuchlessexercisedandmuchlessexhausted. Andhence, as I think, itcameaboutthatEdwardHydewassomuchsmaller, slighterandyoungerthanHenryJekyll. Evenasgoodshoneuponthecountenanceoftheone, evilwaswrittenbroadlyandplainlyonthefaceoftheother. Evilbesides (which I muststillbelievetobethelethalsideofman) hadleftonthatbodyanimprintofdeformityanddecay. Andyetwhen I lookeduponthatuglyidolintheglass, I wasconsciousofnorepugnance, ratherof a leapofwelcome. This, too, wasmyself. Itseemednaturalandhuman. Inmyeyesitbore a livelierimageofthespirit, itseemedmoreexpressandsingle, thantheimperfectanddividedcountenance I hadbeenhithertoaccustomedtocallmine. Andinsofar I wasdoubtlessright. I haveobservedthatwhen I worethesemblanceofEdwardHyde, nonecouldcomeneartomeatfirstwithout a visiblemisgivingoftheflesh. This, as I takeit, wasbecauseallhumanbeings, aswemeetthem, arecommingledoutofgoodandevil: andEdwardHyde, aloneintheranksofmankind, waspureevil.
6
I lingeredbut a momentatthemirror: thesecondandconclusiveexperimenthadyettobeattempted; ityetremainedtobeseenif I hadlostmyidentitybeyondredemptionandmustfleebeforedaylightfrom a housethatwasnolongermine; andhurryingbacktomycabinet, I oncemorepreparedanddrankthecup, oncemoresufferedthepangsofdissolution, andcametomyselfoncemorewiththecharacter, thestatureandthefaceofHenryJekyll.
7
Thatnight I hadcometothefatalcross-roads. Had I approachedmydiscoveryin a morenoblespirit, had I riskedtheexperimentwhileundertheempireofgenerousorpiousaspirations, allmusthavebeenotherwise, andfromtheseagoniesofdeathandbirth, I hadcomeforthanangelinsteadof a fiend. Thedrughadnodiscriminatingaction; itwasneitherdiabolicalnordivine; itbutshookthedoorsoftheprisonhouseofmydisposition; andlikethecaptivesofPhilippi, thatwhichstoodwithinranforth. Atthattimemyvirtueslumbered; myevil, keptawakebyambition, wasalertandswifttoseizetheoccasion; andthethingthatwasprojectedwasEdwardHyde. Hence, although I hadnowtwocharactersaswellastwoappearances, onewaswhollyevil, andtheotherwasstilltheoldHenryJekyll, thatincongruouscompoundofwhosereformationandimprovement I hadalreadylearnedtodespair. Themovementwasthuswhollytowardtheworse.
8
Evenatthattime, I hadnotconqueredmyaversionstothedrynessof a lifeofstudy. I wouldstillbemerrilydisposedattimes; andasmypleasureswere (tosaytheleast) undignified, and I wasnotonlywellknownandhighlyconsidered, butgrowingtowardstheelderlyman, thisincoherencyofmylifewasdailygrowingmoreunwelcome. Itwasonthissidethatmynewpowertemptedmeuntil I fellinslavery. I hadbuttodrinkthecup, todoffatoncethebodyofthenotedprofessor, andtoassume, like a thickcloak, thatofEdwardHyde. I smiledatthenotion; itseemedtomeatthetimetobehumourous; and I mademypreparationswiththemoststudiouscare. I tookandfurnishedthathouseinSoho, towhichHydewastrackedbythepolice; andengagedas a housekeeper a creaturewhom I knewwelltobesilentandunscrupulous. Ontheotherside, I announcedtomyservantsthat a Mr. Hyde (whom I described) wastohavefulllibertyandpoweraboutmyhouseinthesquare; andtoparrymishaps, I evencalledandmademyself a familiarobject, inmysecondcharacter. I nextdrewupthatwilltowhichyousomuchobjected; sothatifanythingbefellmeinthepersonofDr. Jekyll, I couldenteronthatofEdwardHydewithoutpecuniaryloss. Andthusfortified, as I supposed, oneveryside, I begantoprofitbythestrangeimmunitiesofmyposition.
9
Menhavebeforehiredbravostotransacttheircrimes, whiletheirownpersonandreputationsatundershelter. I wasthefirstthateverdidsoforhispleasures. I wasthefirstthatcouldplodinthepubliceyewith a loadofgenialrespectability, andin a moment, like a schoolboy, stripofftheselendingsandspringheadlongintotheseaofliberty. Butforme, inmyimpenetrablemantle, thesafetywascomplete. Thinkofit—I didnotevenexist! Letmebutescapeintomylaboratorydoor, givemebut a secondortwotomixandswallowthedraughtthat I hadalwaysstandingready; andwhateverhehaddone, EdwardHydewouldpassawaylikethestainofbreathupon a mirror; andthereinhisstead, quietlyathome, trimmingthemidnightlampinhisstudy, a manwhocouldaffordtolaughatsuspicion, wouldbeHenryJekyll.
10
Thepleasureswhich I madehastetoseekinmydisguisewere, as I havesaid, undignified; I wouldscarceuse a harderterm. ButinthehandsofEdwardHyde, theysoonbegantoturntowardthemonstrous. When I wouldcomebackfromtheseexcursions, I wasoftenplungedinto a kindofwonderatmyvicariousdepravity. Thisfamiliarthat I calledoutofmyownsoul, andsentforthalonetodohisgoodpleasure, was a beinginherentlymalignandvillainous; hiseveryactandthoughtcenteredonself; drinkingpleasurewithbestialavidityfromanydegreeoftorturetoanother; relentlesslike a manofstone. HenryJekyllstoodattimesaghastbeforetheactsofEdwardHyde; butthesituationwasapartfromordinarylaws, andinsidiouslyrelaxedthegraspofconscience. ItwasHyde, afterall, andHydealone, thatwasguilty. Jekyllwasnoworse; hewokeagaintohisgoodqualitiesseeminglyunimpaired; hewouldevenmakehaste, whereitwaspossible, toundotheevildonebyHyde. Andthushisconscienceslumbered.
11
Intothedetailsoftheinfamyatwhich I thusconnived (forevennow I canscarcegrantthat I committedit) I havenodesignofentering; I meanbuttopointoutthewarningsandthesuccessivestepswithwhichmychastisementapproached. I metwithoneaccidentwhich, asitbroughtonnoconsequence, I shallnomorethanmention. Anactofcrueltyto a childarousedagainstmetheangerof a passer-by, whom I recognisedtheotherdayinthepersonofyourkinsman; thedoctorandthechild’s familyjoinedhim; thereweremomentswhen I fearedformylife; andatlast, inordertopacifytheirtoojustresentment, EdwardHydehadtobringthemtothedoor, andpaythemin a chequedrawninthenameofHenryJekyll. Butthisdangerwaseasilyeliminatedfromthefuture, byopeninganaccountatanotherbankinthenameofEdwardHydehimself; andwhen, byslopingmyownhandbackward, I hadsuppliedmydoublewith a signature, I thought I satbeyondthereachoffate.
12
SometwomonthsbeforethemurderofSirDanvers, I hadbeenoutforoneofmyadventures, hadreturnedat a latehour, andwokethenextdayinbedwithsomewhatoddsensations. Itwasinvain I lookedaboutme; invain I sawthedecentfurnitureandtallproportionsofmyroominthesquare; invainthat I recognisedthepatternofthebedcurtainsandthedesignofthemahoganyframe; somethingstillkeptinsistingthat I wasnotwhere I was, that I hadnotwakenedwhere I seemedtobe, butinthelittleroominSohowhere I wasaccustomedtosleepinthebodyofEdwardHyde. I smiledtomyself, andinmypsychologicalway, beganlazilytoinquireintotheelementsofthisillusion, occasionally, evenas I didso, droppingbackinto a comfortablemorningdoze. I wasstillsoengagedwhen, inoneofmymorewakefulmoments, myeyesfelluponmyhand. NowthehandofHenryJekyll (asyouhaveoftenremarked) wasprofessionalinshapeandsize: itwaslarge, firm, whiteandcomely. Butthehandwhich I nowsaw, clearlyenough, intheyellowlightof a mid-Londonmorning, lyinghalfshutonthebedclothes, waslean, corder, knuckly, of a duskypallorandthicklyshadedwith a swartgrowthofhair. ItwasthehandofEdwardHyde.
13
I musthavestareduponitfornearhalf a minute, sunkas I wasinthemerestupidityofwonder, beforeterrorwokeupinmybreastassuddenandstartlingasthecrashofcymbals; andboundingfrommybed I rushedtothemirror. Atthesightthatmetmyeyes, mybloodwaschangedintosomethingexquisitelythinandicy. Yes, I hadgonetobedHenryJekyll, I hadawakenedEdwardHyde. Howwasthistobeexplained? I askedmyself; andthen, withanotherboundofterror—howwasittoberemedied? Itwaswelloninthemorning; theservantswereup; allmydrugswereinthecabinet—a longjourneydowntwopairsofstairs, throughthebackpassage, acrosstheopencourtandthroughtheanatomicaltheatre, fromwhere I wasthenstandinghorror-struck. Itmightindeedbepossibletocovermyface; butofwhatusewasthat, when I wasunabletoconcealthealterationinmystature? Andthenwithanoverpoweringsweetnessofrelief, itcamebackuponmymindthattheservantswerealreadyusedtothecomingandgoingofmysecondself. I hadsoondressed, aswellas I wasable, inclothesofmyownsize: hadsoonpassedthroughthehouse, whereBradshawstaredanddrewbackatseeingMr. Hydeatsuchanhourandinsuch a strangearray; andtenminuteslater, Dr. Jekyllhadreturnedtohisownshapeandwassittingdown, with a darkenedbrow, tomake a feintofbreakfasting.
14
Smallindeedwasmyappetite. Thisinexplicableincident, thisreversalofmypreviousexperience, seemed, liketheBabylonianfingeronthewall, tobespellingoutthelettersofmyjudgment; and I begantoreflectmoreseriouslythaneverbeforeontheissuesandpossibilitiesofmydoubleexistence. Thatpartofmewhich I hadthepowerofprojecting, hadlatelybeenmuchexercisedandnourished; ithadseemedtomeoflateasthoughthebodyofEdwardHydehadgrowninstature, asthough (when I worethatform) I wereconsciousof a moregeneroustideofblood; and I begantospy a dangerthat, ifthisweremuchprolonged, thebalanceofmynaturemightbepermanentlyoverthrown, thepowerofvoluntarychangebeforfeited, andthecharacterofEdwardHydebecomeirrevocablymine. Thepowerofthedrughadnotbeenalwaysequallydisplayed. Once, veryearlyinmycareer, ithadtotallyfailedme; sincethen I hadbeenobligedonmorethanoneoccasiontodouble, andonce, withinfiniteriskofdeath, totrebletheamount; andtheserareuncertaintieshadcasthithertothesoleshadowonmycontentment. Now, however, andinthelightofthatmorning’s accident, I wasledtoremarkthatwhereas, inthebeginning, thedifficultyhadbeentothrowoffthebodyofJekyll, ithadoflategraduallybutdecidedlytransferreditselftotheotherside. Allthingsthereforeseemedtopointtothis; that I wasslowlylosingholdofmyoriginalandbetterself, andbecomingslowlyincorporatedwithmysecondandworse.
15
Betweenthesetwo, I nowfelt I hadtochoose. Mytwonatureshadmemoryincommon, butallotherfacultiesweremostunequallysharedbetweenthem. Jekyll (whowascomposite) nowwiththemostsensitiveapprehensions, nowwith a greedygusto, projectedandsharedinthepleasuresandadventuresofHyde; butHydewasindifferenttoJekyll, orbutrememberedhimasthemountainbanditremembersthecaverninwhichheconcealshimselffrompursuit. Jekyllhadmorethan a father’s interest; Hydehadmorethan a son’s indifference. TocastinmylotwithJekyll, wastodietothoseappetiteswhich I hadlongsecretlyindulgedandhadoflatebeguntopamper. TocastitinwithHyde, wastodieto a thousandinterestsandaspirations, andtobecome, at a blowandforever, despisedandfriendless. Thebargainmightappearunequal; buttherewasstillanotherconsiderationinthescales; forwhileJekyllwouldsuffersmartinglyinthefiresofabstinence, Hydewouldbenotevenconsciousofallthathehadlost. Strangeasmycircumstanceswere, thetermsofthisdebateareasoldandcommonplaceasman; muchthesameinducementsandalarmscastthedieforanytemptedandtremblingsinner; anditfelloutwithme, asitfallswithsovast a majorityofmyfellows, that I chosethebetterpartandwasfoundwantinginthestrengthtokeeptoit.
16
Yes, I preferredtheelderlyanddiscontenteddoctor, surroundedbyfriendsandcherishinghonesthopes; andbade a resolutefarewelltotheliberty, thecomparativeyouth, thelightstep, leapingimpulsesandsecretpleasures, that I hadenjoyedinthedisguiseofHyde. I madethischoiceperhapswithsomeunconsciousreservation, for I neithergaveupthehouseinSoho, nordestroyedtheclothesofEdwardHyde, whichstilllayreadyinmycabinet. Fortwomonths, however, I wastruetomydetermination; fortwomonths, I led a lifeofsuchseverityas I hadneverbeforeattainedto, andenjoyedthecompensationsofanapprovingconscience. Buttimebeganatlasttoobliteratethefreshnessofmyalarm; thepraisesofconsciencebegantogrowinto a thingofcourse; I begantobetorturedwiththroesandlongings, asofHydestrugglingafterfreedom; andatlast, inanhourofmoralweakness, I onceagaincompoundedandswallowedthetransformingdraught.
17
I donotsupposethat, when a drunkardreasonswithhimselfuponhisvice, heisonceoutoffivehundredtimesaffectedbythedangersthatherunsthroughhisbrutish, physicalinsensibility; neitherhad I, longas I hadconsideredmyposition, madeenoughallowanceforthecompletemoralinsensibilityandinsensatereadinesstoevil, whichweretheleadingcharactersofEdwardHyde. Yetitwasbythesethat I waspunished. Mydevilhadbeenlongcaged, hecameoutroaring. I wasconscious, evenwhen I tookthedraught, of a moreunbridled, a morefuriouspropensitytoill. Itmusthavebeenthis, I suppose, thatstirredinmysoulthattempestofimpatiencewithwhich I listenedtothecivilitiesofmyunhappyvictim; I declare, atleast, beforeGod, nomanmorallysanecouldhavebeenguiltyofthatcrimeuponsopitiful a provocation; andthat I struckinnomorereasonablespiritthanthatinwhich a sickchildmaybreak a plaything. But I hadvoluntarilystrippedmyselfofallthosebalancinginstinctsbywhicheventheworstofuscontinuestowalkwithsomedegreeofsteadinessamongtemptations; andinmycase, tobetempted, howeverslightly, wastofall.
18
Instantlythespiritofhellawokeinmeandraged. With a transportofglee, I mauledtheunresistingbody, tastingdelightfromeveryblow; anditwasnottillwearinesshadbeguntosucceed, that I wassuddenly, inthetopfitofmydelirium, struckthroughtheheartby a coldthrillofterror. A mistdispersed; I sawmylifetobeforfeit; andfledfromthesceneoftheseexcesses, atoncegloryingandtrembling, mylustofevilgratifiedandstimulated, myloveoflifescrewedtothetopmostpeg. I rantothehouseinSoho, and (tomakeassurancedoublysure) destroyedmypapers; thence I setoutthroughthelamplitstreets, inthesamedividedecstasyofmind, gloatingonmycrime, light-headedlydevisingothersinthefuture, andyetstillhasteningandstillhearkeninginmywakeforthestepsoftheavenger. Hydehad a songuponhislipsashecompoundedthedraught, andashedrankit, pledgedthedeadman. Thepangsoftransformationhadnotdonetearinghim, beforeHenryJekyll, withstreamingtearsofgratitudeandremorse, hadfallenuponhiskneesandliftedhisclaspedhandstoGod. Theveilofself-indulgencewasrentfromheadtofoot. I sawmylifeas a whole: I followeditupfromthedaysofchildhood, when I hadwalkedwithmyfather’s hand, andthroughtheself-denyingtoilsofmyprofessionallife, toarriveagainandagain, withthesamesenseofunreality, atthedamnedhorrorsoftheevening. I couldhavescreamedaloud; I soughtwithtearsandprayerstosmotherdownthecrowdofhideousimagesandsoundswithwhichmymemoryswarmedagainstme; andstill, betweenthepetitions, theuglyfaceofmyiniquitystaredintomysoul. Astheacutenessofthisremorsebegantodieaway, itwassucceededby a senseofjoy. Theproblemofmyconductwassolved. Hydewasthenceforthimpossible; whether I wouldornot, I wasnowconfinedtothebetterpartofmyexistence; and O, how I rejoicedtothinkofit! withwhatwillinghumility I embracedanewtherestrictionsofnaturallife! withwhatsincererenunciation I lockedthedoorbywhich I hadsooftengoneandcome, andgroundthekeyundermyheel!
19
Thenextday, camethenewsthatthemurderhadnotbeenoverlooked, thattheguiltofHydewaspatenttotheworld, andthatthevictimwas a manhighinpublicestimation. Itwasnotonly a crime, ithadbeen a tragicfolly. I think I wasgladtoknowit; I think I wasgladtohavemybetterimpulsesthusbuttressedandguardedbytheterrorsofthescaffold. Jekyllwasnowmycityofrefuge; letbutHydepeepoutaninstant, andthehandsofallmenwouldberaisedtotakeandslayhim.
20
I resolvedinmyfutureconducttoredeemthepast; and I cansaywithhonestythatmyresolvewasfruitfulofsomegood. Youknowyourselfhowearnestly, inthelastmonthsofthelastyear, I labouredtorelievesuffering; youknowthatmuchwasdoneforothers, andthatthedayspassedquietly, almosthappilyformyself. Norcan I trulysaythat I weariedofthisbeneficentandinnocentlife; I thinkinsteadthat I dailyenjoyeditmorecompletely; but I wasstillcursedwithmydualityofpurpose; andasthefirstedgeofmypenitenceworeoff, thelowersideofme, solongindulged, sorecentlychaineddown, begantogrowlforlicence. Notthat I dreamedofresuscitatingHyde; thebareideaofthatwouldstartlemetofrenzy: no, itwasinmyownpersonthat I wasoncemoretemptedtotriflewithmyconscience; anditwasasanordinarysecretsinnerthat I atlastfellbeforetheassaultsoftemptation.
21
Therecomesanendtoallthings; themostcapaciousmeasureisfilledatlast; andthisbriefcondescensiontomyevilfinallydestroyedthebalanceofmysoul. Andyet I wasnotalarmed; thefallseemednatural, like a returntotheolddaysbefore I hadmademydiscovery. Itwas a fine, clear, Januaryday, wetunderfootwherethefrosthadmelted, butcloudlessoverhead; andtheRegent’s Parkwasfullofwinterchirrupingsandsweetwithspringodours. I satinthesunon a bench; theanimalwithinmelickingthechopsofmemory; thespiritualside a littledrowsed, promisingsubsequentpenitence, butnotyetmovedtobegin. Afterall, I reflected, I waslikemyneighbours; andthen I smiled, comparingmyselfwithothermen, comparingmyactivegood-willwiththelazycrueltyoftheirneglect. Andattheverymomentofthatvaingloriousthought, a qualmcameoverme, a horridnauseaandthemostdeadlyshuddering. Thesepassedaway, andleftmefaint; andthenasinitsturnfaintnesssubsided, I begantobeawareof a changeinthetemperofmythoughts, a greaterboldness, a contemptofdanger, a solutionofthebondsofobligation. I lookeddown; myclotheshungformlesslyonmyshrunkenlimbs; thehandthatlayonmykneewascordedandhairy. I wasoncemoreEdwardHyde. A momentbefore I hadbeensafeofallmen’s respect, wealthy, beloved—theclothlayingformeinthedining-roomathome; andnow I wasthecommonquarryofmankind, hunted, houseless, a knownmurderer, thralltothegallows.
22
Myreasonwavered, butitdidnotfailmeutterly. I havemorethanonceobservedthatinmysecondcharacter, myfacultiesseemedsharpenedto a pointandmyspiritsmoretenselyelastic; thusitcameaboutthat, whereJekyllperhapsmighthavesuccumbed, Hyderosetotheimportanceofthemoment. Mydrugswereinoneofthepressesofmycabinet; howwas I toreachthem? Thatwastheproblemthat (crushingmytemplesinmyhands) I setmyselftosolve. Thelaboratorydoor I hadclosed. If I soughttoenterbythehouse, myownservantswouldconsignmetothegallows. I saw I mustemployanotherhand, andthoughtofLanyon. Howwashetobereached? howpersuaded? Supposingthat I escapedcaptureinthestreets, howwas I tomakemywayintohispresence? andhowshould I, anunknownanddispleasingvisitor, prevailonthefamousphysiciantoriflethestudyofhiscolleague, Dr. Jekyll? Then I rememberedthatofmyoriginalcharacter, onepartremainedtome: I couldwritemyownhand; andonce I hadconceivedthatkindlingspark, thewaythat I mustfollowbecamelightedupfromendtoend.
23
Thereupon, I arrangedmyclothesasbest I could, andsummoning a passinghansom, drovetoanhotelinPortlandStreet, thenameofwhich I chancedtoremember. Atmyappearance (whichwasindeedcomicalenough, howevertragic a fatethesegarmentscovered) thedrivercouldnotconcealhismirth. I gnashedmyteethuponhimwith a gustofdevilishfury; andthesmilewitheredfromhisface—happilyforhim—yetmorehappilyformyself, forinanotherinstant I hadcertainlydraggedhimfromhisperch. Attheinn, as I entered, I lookedaboutmewithsoblack a countenanceasmadetheattendantstremble; not a lookdidtheyexchangeinmypresence; butobsequiouslytookmyorders, ledmeto a privateroom, andbroughtmewherewithaltowrite. Hydeindangerofhislifewas a creaturenewtome; shakenwithinordinateanger, strungtothepitchofmurder, lustingtoinflictpain. Yetthecreaturewasastute; masteredhisfurywith a greateffortofthewill; composedhistwoimportantletters, onetoLanyonandonetoPoole; andthathemightreceiveactualevidenceoftheirbeingposted, sentthemoutwithdirectionsthattheyshouldberegistered. Thenceforward, hesatalldayoverthefireintheprivateroom, gnawinghisnails; therehedined, sittingalonewithhisfears, thewaitervisiblyquailingbeforehiseye; andthence, whenthenightwasfullycome, hesetforthinthecornerof a closedcab, andwasdriventoandfroaboutthestreetsofthecity. He, I say—I cannotsay, I. ThatchildofHellhadnothinghuman; nothinglivedinhimbutfearandhatred. Andwhenatlast, thinkingthedriverhadbeguntogrowsuspicious, hedischargedthecabandventuredonfoot, attiredinhismisfittingclothes, anobjectmarkedoutforobservation, intothemidstofthenocturnalpassengers, thesetwobasepassionsragedwithinhimlike a tempest. Hewalkedfast, huntedbyhisfears, chatteringtohimself, skulkingthroughthelessfrequentedthoroughfares, countingtheminutesthatstilldividedhimfrommidnight. Once a womanspoketohim, offering, I think, a boxoflights. Hesmoteherintheface, andshefled.
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When I cametomyselfatLanyon’s, thehorrorofmyoldfriendperhapsaffectedmesomewhat: I donotknow; itwasatleastbut a dropintheseatotheabhorrencewithwhich I lookedbackuponthesehours. A changehadcomeoverme. Itwasnolongerthefearofthegallows, itwasthehorrorofbeingHydethatrackedme. I receivedLanyon’s condemnationpartlyin a dream; itwaspartlyin a dreamthat I camehometomyownhouseandgotintobed. I sleptaftertheprostrationoftheday, with a stringentandprofoundslumberwhichnoteventhenightmaresthatwrungmecouldavailtobreak. I awokeinthemorningshaken, weakened, butrefreshed. I stillhatedandfearedthethoughtofthebrutethatsleptwithinme, and I hadnotofcourseforgottentheappallingdangersofthedaybefore; but I wasoncemoreathome, inmyownhouseandclosetomydrugs; andgratitudeformyescapeshonesostronginmysoulthatitalmostrivalledthebrightnessofhope.
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I wassteppingleisurelyacrossthecourtafterbreakfast, drinkingthechilloftheairwithpleasure, when I wasseizedagainwiththoseindescribablesensationsthatheraldedthechange; and I hadbutthetimetogaintheshelterofmycabinet, before I wasonceagainragingandfreezingwiththepassionsofHyde. Ittookonthisoccasion a doubledosetorecallmetomyself; andalas! sixhoursafter, as I satlookingsadlyinthefire, thepangsreturned, andthedrughadtobere-administered. Inshort, fromthatdayforthitseemedonlyby a greateffortasofgymnastics, andonlyundertheimmediatestimulationofthedrug, that I wasabletowearthecountenanceofJekyll. Atallhoursofthedayandnight, I wouldbetakenwiththepremonitoryshudder; aboveall, if I slept, orevendozedfor a momentinmychair, itwasalwaysasHydethat I awakened. Underthestrainofthiscontinuallyimpendingdoomandbythesleeplessnesstowhich I nowcondemnedmyself, ay, evenbeyondwhat I hadthoughtpossibletoman, I became, inmyownperson, a creatureeatenupandemptiedbyfever, languidlyweakbothinbodyandmind, andsolelyoccupiedbyonethought: thehorrorofmyotherself. Butwhen I slept, orwhenthevirtueofthemedicineworeoff, I wouldleapalmostwithouttransition (forthepangsoftransformationgrewdailylessmarked) intothepossessionof a fancybrimmingwithimagesofterror, a soulboilingwithcauselesshatreds, and a bodythatseemednotstrongenoughtocontaintheragingenergiesoflife. ThepowersofHydeseemedtohavegrownwiththesicklinessofJekyll. Andcertainlythehatethatnowdividedthemwasequaloneachside. WithJekyll, itwas a thingofvitalinstinct. Hehadnowseenthefulldeformityofthatcreaturethatsharedwithhimsomeofthephenomenaofconsciousness, andwasco-heirwithhimtodeath: andbeyondtheselinksofcommunity, whichinthemselvesmadethemostpoignantpartofhisdistress, hethoughtofHyde, forallhisenergyoflife, asofsomethingnotonlyhellishbutinorganic. Thiswastheshockingthing; thattheslimeofthepitseemedtouttercriesandvoices; thattheamorphousdustgesticulatedandsinned; thatwhatwasdead, andhadnoshape, shouldusurptheofficesoflife. Andthisagain, thatthatinsurgenthorrorwasknittohimcloserthan a wife, closerthananeye; laycagedinhisflesh, wherehehearditmutterandfeltitstruggletobeborn; andateveryhourofweakness, andintheconfidenceofslumber, prevailedagainsthim, anddeposedhimoutoflife. ThehatredofHydeforJekyllwasof a differentorder. Histerrorofthegallowsdrovehimcontinuallytocommittemporarysuicide, andreturntohissubordinatestationof a partinsteadof a person; butheloathedthenecessity, heloathedthedespondencyintowhichJekyllwasnowfallen, andheresentedthedislikewithwhichhewashimselfregarded. Hencetheape-liketricksthathewouldplayme, scrawlinginmyownhandblasphemiesonthepagesofmybooks, burningthelettersanddestroyingtheportraitofmyfather; andindeed, haditnotbeenforhisfearofdeath, hewouldlongagohaveruinedhimselfinordertoinvolvemeintheruin. Buthisloveofmeiswonderful; I gofurther: I, whosickenandfreezeatthemerethoughtofhim, when I recalltheabjectionandpassionofthisattachment, andwhen I knowhowhefearsmypowertocuthimoffbysuicide, I finditinmyhearttopityhim.
26
Itisuseless, andthetimeawfullyfailsme, toprolongthisdescription; noonehaseversufferedsuchtorments, letthatsuffice; andyeteventothese, habitbrought—no, notalleviation—but a certaincallousnessofsoul, a certainacquiescenceofdespair; andmypunishmentmighthavegoneonforyears, butforthelastcalamitywhichhasnowfallen, andwhichhasfinallyseveredmefrommyownfaceandnature. Myprovisionofthesalt, whichhadneverbeenrenewedsincethedateofthefirstexperiment, begantorunlow. I sentoutfor a freshsupplyandmixedthedraught; theebullitionfollowed, andthefirstchangeofcolour, notthesecond; I drankitanditwaswithoutefficiency. YouwilllearnfromPoolehow I havehadLondonransacked; itwasinvain; and I amnowpersuadedthatmyfirstsupplywasimpure, andthatitwasthatunknownimpuritywhichlentefficacytothedraught.