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◈ 윤치호일기 (1890년) ◈

◇ 5월 ◇

해설목차  1권  2권  3권  4권  5권 6권  7권  8권  9권  10권  11권  12권  윤치호

1. 5월 1일 (음 3월 13일)

1
1st. (3d moon 13th). Thursday. Fair all the morning. Cloudy with occasional thunder showers p.m.
 
2
Found 8 or more 4-leaf clovers.
3
Spent 4 hours this morning in reviewing the Church History and nearly 3 hours in the night.
 

2. 5월 2일 (음 3월 14일)

1
2nd. (14th). Friday. Fair a.m. and cloudy with little showers in p.m.
 
2
This is the Field day and therefore a holiday. After dinner at 12 noon Jordan and myself set out for Glendale Park. It takes nearly half an hour to get there. The Park is much improved-with new roads and new benches-from what it was last year. The Park somehow or other, reminded me of the palace-ground of Corea; and awakened in my memory tender recollections of the happy times I had there. Was a favorite then in the Palace.!
3
Reviewed the Church history for about 2 hours; then went to bed.
 

3. 5월 3일 (음 3월 15일)

1
3rd. (15th). Saturday. Cloudy with thunder showers at irregular intervals day and night.
 
2
Stood a final a examination in the Church History from 9 a.m. till 3:30.
3
This evening there were only 9 boys in the class meeting. Ross led it. The meeting turned out to be an unexpectedly good one, not because the experiences given were all bright but because they were sincere. Ross said that it was a matter of regret that the West E. Church, a leading Methodist Church in Nashville, should have not a class meeting. That he got more good for sincere class meetings than for sermons, and that he would have regular class meetings in his church, when he should enter into active ministry.
4
At 8:30 with Bruce and Jordan went to Dr. Hoss' and had a good time. Miss Oglie, Mrs. Hoss and the Dr. were there, though the last two came in later. Vanhook and Hawley, were also in the company. We did not leave until 11:30. Enjoyed the strawberries and cake well enough, but the company of Mrs. Hoss better.
5
Vanhook said afterward that he loved Dr. Hoss to a degree to worship him. This expresses the general opinion of the boys. The good Dr. is their idol. I agree with them; but Mrs. Hoss is my goddess. It does me good to hear her talk and see her smile. May I never have any cause whatever to repent of my esteem and love to this worthy pair.
6
Mrs. Hoss said that she did not like Sam John a bit. The reason she gave for this was that she wanted to hear the gospel preached clean, pure and undefiled and not such mean stuffs as Sam John gets off. By this she means the slang which S.J. used in his preaching I suppose.
 

4. 5월 4일 (음 3월 16일)

1
4th. (16th). Sunday. Cloudy and showery all the morning.
 
2
Vanhook this morning among a crowd said to me "They will have no messing club in the Hall during this summer. how will you do then" You will have to go then to your town bretheren". The town bretheren are the Chinese laundry men. I kept silent. But emotions of shame-for my ignoble nationality, Corea-and of indignation-at this undisguised insult-made me perfectly wretched all the morning.
3
Attended the W.E. S.S. Dr. Baskerville taught the class. He said that young men ought to guard against intellectual pride-the enemy of humble faith? Came back after the S.S. was over.
4
Taught the Pen. S.S. class. On the way home, attended the monthly Meeting of Cheerful Givers.
5
Wrote to Professor Bonnell, requesting him to pay my debt ($25) , to Mr. Z.K. Yen, the brother-in-law of Mr. Marshall.
 

5. 5월 5일 (음 3월 17일)

1
5th. (17th). Wednesday. Rained all the a.m.
 
2
Dr. Waller, the English Wesleyan delegate to the General Conference, addressed the boys in the University Chapel. He dwelt at some length on the educational system of England, the position which his denomination occupies as an educational body. He concluded by giving the advice given to him by a friend when he was a boy. It was "Communion with Chirst, preservation of health, and continuance of private studies."
3
This morning Professor Martin said to the class, "A diary that registers nothing more than rain or sunshine is not worth a snap to keep." Very true. He then advised us to get some central or important thought from what we may read and note down our own commentary on the thought.
4
An advice I can easier admire than practice!
5
The review of Pope's Syst. Theology caused my headache. Am thoroughly tired of the speculations and dogmas of this Syst. Theology-of hypostatical union, of supralapsarianism or infralapsarianism, of economical Trinity or redemptional Trinity-so on and so forth. This whole business of theology is a systematic record of the hopeless struggle of feeble human intellect to know what is unknowable and to logically solve what is insolvable. Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved, is, to me, a better theology than all the elaborate theories and dogmas of Pope or other theologians.
6
Received letters from Professor B., Dr. A. And Chong Mun Kwong. Hair cut. Was told that colored people can not go into Glendale Park.
7
After supper, with Bruce went to see Mrs. Klein and her husband. She is a charming young woman. Played Halma and talked for more than an hour and half and came back.
 

6. 5월 6일 (음 3월 18일)

1
6th. (18th). Tuesday. Cold enough for fire. Only 48° F. in the night.
 
2
This evening Dr. Bask. Said, "that Goldsmith has been more read than Dr. Johnson illustrates the fact that men love a good heart more than a strong intellect. This is so in literature as well as in preaching. The vast and wholesome influence of Moody is rather due to his good heart than to his intellectual education. I am told he prays six times more than Sam John. Many are stronger in intellect than Moody, but few, as good in heart."
3
In Carlyle's "Await the Issue," he says, "One strong thing I find here below: the just thing and true thing". There is as much truth in this statement as in the "inalienable right of man" which men talk about now-a-day. That is those who have might have inalienable right and justice and success. But those who have no might have nothing but wrong, injustice, and failure. This is proved by the dealings of a stronger nation or race with a weaker nation or race. Therefore, one strong thing I find here below: might nothing more.
4
Rained late in the evening and in the night.
5
Today my wandering thoughts carried me to the home of my boyhood. The trees, hills, fields, streams, wild flowers and everything in and about the village present themselves to the imagination as vividly as if they were present to the senses. Very soft and dear are these recollections. "Home, sweet home"!
 

7. 5월 7일 (음 3월 19일)

1
7th. (19th). Wednesday. Quite cold.
 
2
Recitations as usual.
 

8. 5월 8일 (음 3월 20일)

1
8th. (20th). Thursday. Bright and fair.
 
2
Recitations as usual.
 

9. 5월 9일 (음 3월 21일)

1
9th. (21st). Friday. Fair and warm. Rained in the night-not much, though.
 
2
At 8 p.m. went to the Cumberland Presbyterian Church, and addressed on China-the customs and manners-to the ladies' missionary meeting. The fair ladies were very kind. Had a refreshment of icecream and cake. The ladies profusely acknowledged to me their appreciation of my talk. I did not believe 1/10 of what they said. But if they had told me the naked truth that they did not appreciate my talk, I would have felt wronged, uncharitably treated. Now, here is the secret of our social lies, polite, smooth compliments, a very cheap coin, indeed, but current everywhere: we give lies as polite and charitable compliments. and-what a wonder!-receive, nay prefer such compliments to frank disapproval. This is a vanity of this world.
3
I shall therefore be careful to put as much honesty in my compliments as my infirmities may allow.
4
Miss White, one of the leading members of the Society, is in our Soph. English class. She has sense and religion.
 

10. 5월 10일 (음 3월 22일)

1
10th. (22nd). Saturday. Rained hard all the a.m.
 
2
This morning Dr. Baskerville told me that a lady had sent to him20 for me, and that he would be glad to help me whenever I needed help. He is very kind.
3
The lady, whoever she may be, shall always have my prayer for her kindness.
 

11. 5월 11일 (음 3월 23일)

1
1th. (23d). Sunday. Fair.
 
2
Attended the W.E. S.S. Dr. Kirkland said this morning in the class: "When Christ commanded the disciples to feed the multitude, the disciples thought it impossible. So it was, as far as human power was concerned. But Christ, to whom all things are possible, was with them. history and experience furnish us with many instances wherein men have accomplished through Christ, what seemed to be impossible". He illustrated this statement with the fact that a German philanthropist had established a magnificent orphanage with a few cents and prayers-a thing which seemed to all an impossibility.
3
With Bruce went to McKendree Church and heard a soldier sermon of Dr. Steele.
4
Taught the Pen. S.S. Class. Attended a meeting held in the Y.M.C.A. room by several of the International Y.M.C.A. delegates in the city. After supper, with Bruce, went to the Gospel Tent, and attended the religious service held there by the International Y.M.C.A. delegates. Enjoyed the songs and the addresses delivered in favor of Y.M.C.A. movement. Came back at 11:30.
 

12. 5월 12일 (음 3월 24일)

1
12th. (24th). Monday. Fair and warm.
 
2
Recitations as usual.
 

13. 5월 13일 (음 3월 25일)

1
13th. (25th). Tuesday. Fair.
 
2
Recitations as usual.
 

14. 5월 14일 (음 3월 26일)

1
14th. (26th). Wednesday. Rained hard all a.m. till 1 p.m.
 
2
Recitations as usual.
 

15. 5월 15일 (음 3월 27일)

1
15th. (27th). Thursday. Fair.
 
2
Recitations as usual. Received the20 from Dr. Baskerville.
 

16. 5월 16일 (음 3월 28일)

1
16th. (28th). Friday. Fair.
 
2
Recitations as usual. Received letter from Bell-answered at once.
 

17. 5월 17일 (음 3월 29일)

1
17th. (29th). Saturday. Hot, fair.
 
2
In the night attended the Monthly Missionary Meeting. Brother Brown read a paper, a fine paper on the History of the Society. The Society was organized in 1881. Bishop McTyiere encouraged the organization. He prophetically said to the Society. "Your Society will do good. History will grow out of it".
3
At the close of the meeting Dr. Tillet, who by the way never fails to attend these meetings. very touchingly expressed his keen interest in the Society. his love to the boys and his desire that the boys who go out from W.H. should write to him from their respective fields-specially foreign fields.
4
Dr. T. is a man whom we must know in order to love. His everlasting seriousness and cold appearance has very little attraction at first sight. But under these austere looks there seems to lie a warm and sympathetic heart. He is a man who promises nothing that he does not mean to do, and does nothing that he means not to do well. Principle seems to be the guiding star to all hi conducts.
5
Am told Dr. T. has been helping many boys out of his own pocket. Wilson is one of them.
6
This morning Dr. Bask. said that a true History of the Civil War will not come out until the sectional passions and prejudices shall have died and buried in the grave of Time.
 

18. 5월 18일 (음 3월 30일)

1
18th. (30th). Sunday. Fair and warm-unpleasantly warm. Cloudy late p.m. and rained in the night with thunder, lightening.
 
2
Did not go to Church.
3
This afternoon at 4 went to Christ Church Chapel, and read a short essay on the customs and manners of Corea to a ladies' missionary meeting. This Chapel belongs to the Episcopalian Church. The questions the ladies asked were intelligent and inoffensive. Came back at about 5:30 and spend the rest of the evening on a rustic bench under a tree.
4
Met Mr. Awaya. He said that the Japanese like Unitarianism better than any other form of Christianity. This fact is easily counted for: Unitarianism is rational and comes nearer to the teachings of Confucius than other Christianisms.
5
Well, as for me, shall join Unitarianism if it can explain all the mysteries of Christian religion. But as long as there are mysteries and intangible or spiritual truths that Unitarian rationalism itself must accept by faith alone-so long I shall continue in my Trinitarianism. Besides what we, Coreans or Japanese or Chinese, want is not positive philosophy or altogether knowable religion. We have this in Confucianism. In fact we do not want-we are tired of-doctrines, philosophies and religions. We want a living moral or rather spiritual power to enable us to do what we know to be right and true. If Trinitarianism has this power let us have it. Its unsearchable and unknowable elements can do no harm. Nay, if everything of the religion were knowable and mathematically demonstrable what should we need faith for?
6
Awaya informed me that the Corean government had dismissed Judge Denny, and gave his position to General Le Gendre. Pshaw! Le Gendre, nay, legions of Le Gendre will meet with no better success than Denny.
7
Well, for aught I know, there are only 5 alternatives for present Corea:
8
1st. Peaceful self-reformation. The organization of a welldisciplined army; the reconstruction of the government. sweeping away all the good-for-nothing petty officers; freedom of press and speech; education.-These are some of the necessary steps of this reformation. But, owing to the selfishness of the Queen and her party and the want of good counsellors for the King, such reformation is too good to be expected of Corea then!
9
2nd. Internal revolution: conducted by a wise and vigorous mind to wipe off all the existing abuses and nonsenses, and to set up a new system of government on a firm and enlightened basis. But the presence of foreign powers and their interested interference give me no hope that such wholesome a revolution will ever take place.
10
These two are the best. But since they have very little chance of coming to pass we pass to the worst but probable alternatives.
11
3rd. Continuance in the present condition-the condition of imbecility, oppression, cruelty and tyranny on the part of the government; the condition of ignorance, superstition, poverty and misery on the part of the people; the condition of shame. ignominy and lingering death on the part of the nation.
12
4th. Chinese yoke. This is very probable fate to which Corea is doomed. Woe to Corea the moment this comes to pass. If it is possible, this would be worse than the last.
13
5th. English or Russian rule. Sure enough this would be far better than the 3rd or 4th. Under English or Russian rule the people-as a people-will have much sufferings removed and many advantages enjoyed. But I prefer English to Russian rule-by far. I am desperate! to wish for this last alternative; but the first 2 are impossible to effect and the second 2 are intolerable to bear.
 

19. 5월 19일 (음 4월 1일)

1
19th. (1st of 4th moon). Monday. Rained all day, with a short interval in p.m.
 
2
Recitations as usual.
 

20. 5월 20일 (음 4월 2일)

1
20th. (2d). Tuesday. Fair.
 
2
In the afternoon the preliminary contest for Green's medal (Script and Hymn reading) came off. There were 13 boys from among whom 10 were elected. I was one of them: Isn't much honor to get on; but it would have been disgrace to be left out.
 

21. 5월 21일 (음 4월 3일)

1
21st. (3d). Wednesday. Fair.
 
2
Recitations as usual.
 

22. 5월 22일 (음 4월 4일)

1
22nd. (4th). Thursday. Fair.
 
2
Recitations as usual.
 

23. 5월 23일 (음 4월 5일)

1
23rd. (5th). Friday. Fair and hot.
 
2
Recitations.
 

24. 5월 24일 (음 4월 6일)

1
24th. (6th). Saturday. Fair and hot. Thunderstorm at 3 p.m. Soon stopped.
 
2
Was informed that Dr. Hoss has been elected the Editor of Nashville Christian Advocate. Wrote to Dr. A. and Professor B.
 

25. 5월 25일 (음 4월 7일)

1
25th. (7th). Sunday. Fair and hot.
 
2
Attended the W.E. S.S. and heard Dr. Tigert's commencement sermon for the young ladies of Ward's School in Mckendree Church.
3
In the p.m. having taught the S.S. in the Pen. went to the Gospel Tent to hear Sam Jones, the most popular preacher in the South. The tent was overflowing full; but I went there little too late. After supper went down to the tent. People were coming in nearly two hours ahead to get seats. Jones preached a politico-religious sermon- a sermon full of wit-roughly expressed-of common sense, of power and of earnestness. I like his sermons, so keen and so fearless. To hear him is like eating ice-cream-so very refreshing. However, I do not wonder at some ladies being offended at his coarseness: he called the people fools, rogues, scoundrels, devils. I have taken down some of his sayings in the pocket note book.
4
The Tent is said to seat nearly 6,000 men, and the Tent was packed. Some said the crowd was not more than 52 or 53 hundred persons.
 

26. 5월 26일 (음 4월 8일)

1
26th. (8th). Monday. Fair.
 
2
Today we got through our Pope. Dr. Tillet dismissed the class with a very touching and sincere prayer.
3
After supper, 6 p.m., went down to the Tent and heard S. Jones. He spoke vehemently against avarice of men and women, and other socia! evils. He used coarser language even than yesterday; this does not hurt me, though.
4
Right near to the Tent, the whiskey men set up a sort of opposition meeting and tried to disturb the Gospel meeting with music-convivial-and shouting. S. Jones said to the Congregation, "We are here worshipping God. We have here some of best citizens of the town. Does not this reflect on the honor of your community? If the Mayor, whose duty it is to preserve the order and peace of the society, will not stop this kind of disorder, he had better look out: Sam Jones will turn his shells right on him". This bold statement was followed by "Amens" and applause.
5
Sam Jones said that he was glad to see the Devil was made as manifested in the opposition meetings and so on.
 

27. 5월 27일 (음 4월 9일)

1
27th. (9th). Tuesday.
 
2
Today is the Founder's day of V.U. It was as always has been, celebrated by a band of music going around the campus about 5 a.m.; by B.U. election in the morning, and by oratorial contest for the Founder's Medal in the night.
3
This morning, in the B.U. convention, I was nominated a candidate for B.U. and made the following speech:-
4
"Ladies and gentlemen: Lend me your eyes, and behold the glory of my ugliness. I am a man 'slow of speech and slow of tongue'; but, Gentlemen, a man should be known by what he is and not by what he says.
5
"When I was in mother's womb, she prayed to stars and gods that the child might be a thing of beauty to be her joy forever. But, alas! when she brought me forth, I proved to be a monster of ugliness. In her despair she gave me to a poor nurse who fed me with barley and water. As I grew in wisdom and age, I grew in ugliness though not much in stature. I found no favor with men. Where ever I went, boys laughed at me, dogs barked at me and girls hissed at me! I tell you, gentlemen, by experience, that being hissed at is quite a different thing from being kissed at. Finding that 'the prophet is not without honor except in his own country', with a heavy heart and a very light purse, I bade farewell to my native land, went over to Japan, and then to China. These two wide empires, though they had room enough for dudes, dunces, hogs, rogues, had no room for my ugliness, my natural gifts. I say natural gifts because I firmly believe that god-given ugliness is as natural to a man as hand-made beauty is artificial to a woman.
6
"Sick and weary, at last, I heard of a country in the West called America, a land of freedom and home of B.U's. I wished to try my fortune in this newly discovered land, but I had no money.
 
7
So I sat down and wrote a pathetic letter to my mother as follows:
8
'My dear Mama:
9
In as much as it has pleased the stars and gods, or rather displeased them, to give you such a dreadfully ugly boy as I; in as much as this was your fault rather than mine; in as much as milk spilt can not be restored and a boy born ugly can not be unuglified; in as much as these blockheads of Japanese and Chinese can not, will not, do not appreciate my comeliness; in as much as I desire to find a home and refuge in America, a land of horses, mules, prairie dogs and ugly men; in as much as though I have sense enough to play a fool, but not a cent to go about; I beg you, dear Mama, to give me some money to go to America, a land flowing with Mississippi and Hudson.
10
'I am your dutiful son etc etc.'
11
"The next mail brought me the following letter from my mother:
12
'Dear boy: I call you dear not because I love your hideous ugliness, but because your ugliness cost me so dearly.
13
'Herewith, I send you527.95. May our gods and stars go with you and prosper you in America the land flowing with Mississippi and Hudson.
14
'Your ever loving Mother etc.'
15
'P.S. My boy, frighten no girls, scare no boys, trust no men.'
 
16
"Well, with this money, after a month's voyage, I landed on America. When I first beheld your beautiful ladies, my heart melted in me, and there was no more left to me. O ye gods, said I, it was bad enough to be persecuted by handsome men. How, then shall I endure the persecution of handsome women?.
17
"But soon I found my fear groundless. Your ladies have been delighted with me as a specimen of the most curiously ugly animal in human shape. Wherever I go, your ladies take me under their patronage or rather their matronage, caress me and spoil me-specially my stomach-with sugar, candies and kindness. A young beautious girl went so far with enthusiasm over my wondrous, surpassing ugliness as to thank me.
18
"And bade me if I had a friend that loved her.
19
"I should but teach him" as ugly as I
20
"And that would woo her"
21
"It would be needless for me to add that I could not comply with her wishes: for I could not make any of my friends-though they all loved the girl-as ugly as I. Do you know, Gentlemen, a true poet or an idiot, or a genuine ugly man is born and never made?
22
"Now, allow me to thank you for his honor-an honor which I would not give for all the B.A.'s, M.A.'s, Ph.D.'s and D.D.'s of this University put together. Any college Faculty can make and unmake sheep-skinned Bachelors and Doctors: but it is only the justice, common sense, wisdom, and learning of such an intelligent assembly as this, that can appreciate the infinite merit of ugliness and bestow the honor on a deserver.
23
"Finally, Gentlemen, let me remark that, though I am ugly as sin, I am not as sinful as ugly. I am honest and modest, humble and generous. Therefore, if any other person of my species shall present himself as better qualified for B.U. than I, I shall gladly give him my seat and support, being contented with this fact that, though I am ugly enough to aspire to the honor, I am too handsome to perspire in running after it"
24
Almost every sentence was received with loud acclamation and laughter.
25
Am glad to say that Jeff Macarn was elected B.U. by 70 votes against his opponent Forsyth, who got 65 votes.
26
Attended the oratorical contest. Fat Murchison got the medal.
 

28. 5월 28일 (음 4월 10일)

1
28th. (10th). Wednesday. Fair.
 
2
Slept until 11 a.m. No recitations. After supper went to the Tent and heard the warning sermon of S. Jones. Notwithstanding the great circus near V.U., the Tent was fully crowded.
 

29. 5월 29일 (음 4월 11일)

1
29th. (11th). Thursday. Fair and hot.
 
2
At 8:30 in the night, the Wesley Hall boys gave strawberry and icecream entertainment to the friends of Macarn B.U. Several professors were present: Drs. Hoss, Vaughn, Baskerville, Bemis, Smith, Thornburg and Roderiguez. Some of their wives and young ladies graced the meeting.
3
The entertainment was made very lively by several humorous speeches by the boys. My subject was "In the Soup". Appealed to the sympathy and justice of the ladies for the defeat of my righteous claim to B.U.
4
Told them that I had at least one thing in common with them, viz., I stood unadorned. For, I said, only the most beautiful and most ugly agree in this one respect that both are most adorned when least adorned. Concluded by saying that I would rather be in the soup and have the sympathy of the fair than to be a B.U. and have a pocket knife.
 

30. 5월 30일 (음 4월 12일)

1
30th. (12th). Friday. Fair and hot. Delightful moonlight.
 
2
Declamation for the Final Examination in Elocut.
 

31. 5월 31일 (음 4월 13일)

1
31th. (13th). Saturday. Fair, hot. Beautiful evening and moonlight.
 
2
Final Examination in Elocut, in the morning. Got a letter from Mrs. Malsavock to the effect that Women's board of Missions had been so pleased with my translation of the article in a Chinese Daily that they instructed the treasurer, Mrs. McTyiere to send me10 as a compensation thereof. Thanks to their kindness.
3
Today is the last day of the month of flowers and perfumes-May of roses, honey suckles, and magnolias.
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