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◈ 윤치호일기 (1893년) ◈

◇ 12월 ◇

해설목차  1권  2권  3권  4권  5권  6권  7권  8권  9권  10권  11권  12권 윤치호

1. 12월 1일

1
1st. (24th of 10th moon) Friday.
 
2
Fault finding is a delightful job. If one wishes to be engaged therein there could be no limit. Every individual, every system, every class of men, every profession―in fact everything could be found fault with. But everything has its bright side as well. Remember that the pretty hotel maids, the business like clerks, the obliging porters, the king friends of Yokohama forgot to mention the hundreds of thousands who had never been robbed on the Tokaido Train in their zeal to magnify the misfortune of a comparatively few for the sake of warning me.
3
So in criticizing missionaries. In censuring them for certain willing or involuntary faults and mistakes we quite forget the debt which we owe them. It seems to me if there were no such a being called missionary we would have to invent one. His value in starting an enterprise, in keeping it in motion, in superintending the motion―in all this he is indispensible. Even if he were to do nothing his presence alone makes a thing go.
4
That his family is an invaluable help to a missionary for personal comforts is beyond doubt. That he may (not always though) do better work cheered, as he is, by the sympathy and love of his dear ones is evident. But the story that a missionary family is valuable as setting good example to the non-Christian families is a pretty little fable―pretty indeed but only a fable. The most palpable reasons for this are:
5
1. The non-communication between a missionary family and the heathen. Neither knows the workings of the other. A missionary housewife would not visit a heathen home while a heathen housekeeper could not visit a missionary home.
6
2. The cropping out of some of the worst traits of a missionary housekeeper in her dealings with the cook and servants. Suspicion, harshness, unrestrained passion to servants have injured the influence of many a missionary wife and of her husband in Japan if Brother Yoshioka be relied upon. What is bad in Japan where missionaries are very careful in dealing with the sensitive natives, becomes worse in China.
7
If this is in a large measure true in a missionary home who can wonder at the thorough badness of the servants employed in non-Christian foreign families where no higher rule holds than fashion and caprice, passion and pride?
 

2. 12월 3일

1
3rd. (26th) Sunday.
 
2
A bright day. After the services, took dinner at Prof. B.'s The whole dinner was spoiled not by a tough chicken but by the fuss made over it. Mrs. B. sighed that it was a burden grievous that she should even have to look after buying chickens. What a cross to a missionary of Jesus Christ!
3
At 2 p.m. went to the Trinity Church to partake of the Lord's supper. It made me glad to see the church full of believers. The singing was hearty. Three children and two adults were baptized. I never enjoyed the sacrament more than I did yesterday.
4
After the evening service in the College, Ha showed me some of his home letters. The messages of love reminded me of my mother's to me and made my mother-sick unbearable.
 

3. 12월 5일

1
5th. (28th) Tuesday.
 
2
At 6:30 p.m. Brother Loehr and I started for the Ladies, Mission outside of the South Gate. A long but enjoyable walk we had. The ladies having the charge of the Mission entertained the Shanghai Missionary Association. After a delightful refreshment a paper was read by one of the ladies on footbinding.
3
The subject was well handled. She showed beyond doubt that the custom was cruel that it was a sin and that the attitude of missionaries and Christians toward it must be that of uncompromising opposition. I had never thought of the evil in the light it was presented tonight.
4
There are over 85 missionaries in the Association. I wish they would invite some of the English speaking native Christians to such meetings. The courtesy thus shown would go far to win the heart and therefore the cooperation of the native bretheren―in missionary enterprises.
5
Mrs. Fitz made a very telling speech against the custom under consideration. She seems to be most loveable little lady.
 

4. 12월 8일

1
8th. (1st of 11th moon) Friday.
 
2
From 7 to 11 in the night spent the hours in the company of 姜, 池運永 and Ha, Mr. Kang is a quiet and cultured gentleman. He seems to be a man of good circumstances and respectable family. Mr. 池 has a great deal of charlatan in him. He writes, paints and talks well. Is well up in Corean fables which are cunningly devised and in Corean history which is less creditable.
3
The government of Corea has been for the 502 years past an oligarchy. The whole history is the record of the implacable hatred, shameful intrigues, and wholesale butcheries that have disgraced the petty factions in the government. This infamous system has proved fatal to talents and virtures by rendering the one unsafe and the other unprofitable.
4
Am afraid Mr. 姜 will, if he has not already, find the influence of Mr. Chi as insinuating as that of opium.
5
It is remarkable that Ha, who believes in every absurd Corean yarn can't believe in the miracles of the Gospel. Is this an instance of superstition damaging the faculty of intelligent belief?
 

5. 12월 12일

1
12th. (5th)Tuesday.
 
2
After the evening Chapel Dr. Allen, Professor B., Brother Loehr and Mr. Sung held a meeting in the library. The principal topics were (1) The better management of the dormitories; (2) the reorganization of the boarding department; (3) the advance of the salary of the Cantonese teacher. My observations as a looker on but an interested party;
3
1. There is a discord between the missionaries connected with the school. Dr. Allen carea nothing for the details of the work: Professor B. wants to carry things on as in an American school; Brother Loehr is terribly in earnest about the work but his lack of tact and personal magnetism make him unpopular with his colleagues. Old Sung Si Sang rules Dr. Allen and through him the College.
4
2. What the school needs most is a native Christian of strong will, common sense and modern notions. As long as the Old Man holds the rudder and opposes any aggressive and unpaved method the school will never amount to much.
5
3. It is complained by missionaries that a Chairman, who would discharge his obligations honestly and conscientiously without being ever watched could not be found. I know this by observation and experience. The more Confucianism a Chinaman has the less reliable he is in words. Shame on Confucianism! After having an absolute control over the body, mind and heart of a nation over 25 centuries the system has ever failed to make honest men and women of its worshippers.
6
The maxims of Confucianism are simply beautiful. But what is the use of them? A system that has no power to make its believer practice its maxims is as bad as a Chinese proclamation full of fine things never intended to be carried out. A rule can't work without someone to work it. Confucianism is powerless and therefore useless because its foundation is no higher than filial piety. It contains the seeds of corruption in its doctrine of inferiority of women of the absolute submission to kings, of its everlasting "go-backism." Its materialism makes men gross. It has no life and vitality in it to advance or improve. Now when a system of teaching has no power to make its professor a better man than he might be otherwise it is worse than useless.
7
A Confucianist thinks he has reached the principle of virtues when he fulfils the prescribed rules of filial piety. With him this exceedingly common place virtue made uncommon covers every sin―licentiousness, revengefulness, lying, hatred, great dissimulation.
8
Corea was a better country under a Buddhistic government. What has made Corea a hell is Confucianism; not that the system teaches all the bad things of which the Corea is guilty but that is sanctions their causes without having anything to mitigate their evil effects. Would to Heaven that the Chinese literature, whose influence on our Eastern mind has been as disasterous as that of opium on our physical organism, has never been known in Corea!
 

6. 12월 17일

1
17th. (10th) Sunday.
 
2
After supper called on Messrs. Chi and Kang. An interesting conversation took place from which I learned something useful to me as a Christian dealing with Buddho―Confucianist.
3
Chi Oon Yong "Do you believe that space is infinite?"
4
T.H.Y. "O yes. Space and time are infinite."
5
C.O.Y. "Do you believe in the infinity of mind?"
6
T.H.Y. "No, mind is finite, limited by senses."
7
C.O.Y. "Ah there Europeans break down. They know not the source of all doctrines. If mind is finite how can a finite thing conceive the infinite such as Space and Time? Do you then believe that Mind has beginning and end in each individual?"
8
T.H.Y. "Yes I believe there is an infinite mind, the Creator of all things. But so far as my individual mind is concerned it is finite, given me as soon as my life began"
9
C.O.Y. "That is too narrow. If you say God created all things who created him?"
10
T.H.Y. " I believe God is self-existent. Beside there is a limit beyond which our mind can't go. Any attempt to go beyond a self-existent Creator leads us into speculations absolutely hopeless and useless. What is then your idea of creation and mind?"
11
C.O.Y. "The whole creation is infinite like Space. Nobody created the universe: it came of itself. Mind is infinite passing through many forms of existence as millions of years roll by."
12
T.H.Y. "That is then the doctrine of transmigration. No indeed I don't want that kind of existence. Sufficient unto me are the evils of one life. Besides how can you prove that my soul existed prior to this life?"
13
C.O.Y. "Through books and experiences and spirits. You Christians don't believe in spirits and apparitions and ghosts."
14
T.H.Y. "Of course not. If there were such why is it they flourish in Corea, Japan and China while Europeans and Americans know nothing of ghosts?"
15
C.O.Y. "Spirits would not go anywhere they are not welcome and believed in." Here he related a story that a foreign who presumed to sleep in a haunted house in Corea got slapped by a ghost for his scepticism.
16
T.H.Y. "Well that is all very good. If you say you believe in such stories on positive proofs I will not contradict your words of disturb your faith. But as for me I am not going to believe in spirits and ghosts the belief in which has made Corea and Japan and China miserable and weak while the nations who don't believe in them are the most enlightened such as America and England."
17
C.O.Y. "If you say that God created all things how can you reconcile His goodness with the cruel butchery of animals for your food? If you don't believe in the existent of soul in an animal, how can you count for the love of life and dread of death and ox or a bird manifests?"
18
T.H.Y. "Let me state clearly my belief. I believe that God created the Universe as well as my soul; that everything in this world is for the use of man―of me; that animals have no souls and were made for our benefit. Now call this wrong of right belief as you please. But don't you know it is no sin to me who eat animal food believing it was made for me while it is cruelty and sin to you to eat beef or fish knowing, as you say you do, that an animal has a soul?"
19
Mr. Chi admitted the correctness of my conclusion and commended my definite belief saying that a definute belife like mine however narrow it may be is far better than a vague belife in something driven about by every wind of doctrine. To which I replied:
20
"Yes―I am glad I have a sharply defined belief. This vagueness of belief in some thing one knows not what has been a curse to our East. I don't call that a good government which makes one prince or nobleman to live in a place while tens of millions of common people grovel in dust and filth; that a good system of education which gives one or two favored mortals the mastery of learning and knowledge while tens of millions of common people are denied the blessing of even a rudimentary education; that a worthy religion or doctrine which enables some few intelligent and acute thinkers like you to indulge in the luxuries of speculation while tens of millions of common people live and die in moral and spiritual degradation and sin on account of the misty and unsatisfactory nature of such a doctrine or religion. I believe in Christianity because its teachings are clear, positive, simple and elevating."
21
C.O.Y "You are right. Christianity is a fine religion to make people good in this world. It is very practical system. I was told by my friend to try your belief with the wonderful and profound doctrines of my religion. But I had known, before I entered into this discussion, that your opinions and belief are too firmly and intelligently founded to be moved. Now I see that one who believes in Christianity intelligently is as hard to shake as myself who would rather let my body be ground to powder than to give up my belief."
22
He praised Confucianism as a thoroly practical system of teaching whose object is to make men good in this world without any reference to past or future. He attributed the ruin of the Corean mind to the use of Tsootza's Commentary on Seven Classics (朱子集編) to the examination style (科文六體) and to the memorial style (館閣文子) Mr. Chi is a subtle arguer well posted up in the mysteries of Buddhism as they are known in Corea. He is now in the process of 參禪 or of Buddhistic contemplation. He believes in transmigration of the soul, in the bodily transformation into genii, in the existence of spirits, in the art of divination and fortune telling, in the practice of "strength-borrowing" (借力) etc. He firmly believes that my father have me some mysterious medicine for strength when I was a child. He is a fair specimen of the mystic scholars of Corea.
23
The more I deal with the Buddhist and Confucian scholars the stronger I am confirmed that Christianity must be preached in life and not in words. A subtle Buddhist or Confucianist or Taoist is easily a match, nay more than a match for any average Christian. But Christianity put in life is a power before which nothing can stand.
24
Mr. Chi said that 程朱, the two great commentators of the Confucian classics corrupted Confucianism by borrowing the word 理 (or principle) from Buddhism. This word means in the writings of Confucius and Mencius nothing more than the "Ought" or "Shall" or 'Must" of daily practical duties. It was never used in the sense of its being the creative "principle" or "law" as it is in Buddhism. Tsootsa spoiled the whole system of Confucius by incorporating Buddhistic word.
25
The learned men of the Far are like the philosophies of Athens whom Paul addressed to. They hunt after new things in religion and doctrine to satisfy their morbid curiosity and not be profitted by any moral truth. The simplicity of the Gospel is too flat to their diseased mental palate; the rigor of its requirements if too irksome to their moral indolence; and its Heaven born claims are too offensive to their pride.
26
The three schools of Confucianism, which have carried on a perpetual war among themselves, were started by the difference of opinions in regard to the priority of "理" or "氣". One school holds that "理先氣後"; another, that “氣先理後”; while the third, that "理氣倂發".
 

7. 12월 19일

1
19th. (12th) Tuesday.
 
2
After dinner, called on Messrs. Chi and Kang. I committed the folly of telling them the love affair I had with a maid-of-honor while I was in Corea. The atmosphere of the whole room soon became foul with licentious influence dangerous to the moral health. The story itself may not be so wicked but the constructions which Coreans put on it lead into vile speculations and worse conversation.
3
God being my help I shall never again mention the subject where there is the least probability of evoking an impure atmosphere.
4
At 8:30 Professor Bonnell kindly gave me a ticket to the sixteenth subscription concert given by the Shanghai philharmonic Society at the Lyceum Theatre. I enjoyed the program very much. The audience consisting entirely of foreigners, the decorated platform and the music carried me back to the States. Returned about 11:30.
5
When an inferior civilization comes in close contact with the superior what ruins the former is its despair, its loss of self-respect and consequently its hopeless contentment with its lot.
6
Felt grateful that through the blood of Christ I have the forgiveness of sins; and through Him I shall at last gain that heaven where heavenly music shall never cease, and where the redeemed of all races shall live in love and peace and equality.
7
Don't fear to be radical and destructive in your dealings with Confucianism and Buddhism. There is so much rubbish in the heart and mind of a Corean that a general scouring is absolutely necessary for the introduction of something better. Where would France be today, but for the destructive revolution of the 18th century? Christianity kills or cures.
 

8. 12월 20일

1
20th. (13th) Wednesday.
 
2
There being nothing in China to engage my affection or love my heart is constantly being divided between the associations of Corea and of America. I long to see them. My heart is hungry for someone―a fair one―to love and to be loved by: Oh the intense yearnings for someone―mother, sister, wife―into whose soul I may pour mine!
3
At 4 p.m. called on Dr. Allen. While taking our cups of tea, he asked me if I didn't think of marrying! I answered him that my present circumstances forbade any serious consideration of the subject. The Dr. mentioned Miss Marshall, the daughter of Brother C.K.M., as a desirable bride.
4
Yes, I like to marry an intelligent, educated and pious girl of attractive person. I do, I do, I do! But oh the difficulties!
 

9. 12월 22일

1
22nd. (15th) Friday.
 
2
A pretty day and a beautiful night. This morning Dr. Allen bought a set of Barnes Commentaries at5 for 17 vols. and presented it to me as a Christmas gift. A most useful present this is. Many thanks.
3
Received an answer from Mr. Pak announcing the success of his subscription school. I wish I could get four or five Corean boys to be educated in this school. It would be possible to provide means for their support.
 

10. 12월 24일

1
24th. Sunday.
 
2
After tiffin, called on Mr. Chi and his friend. In the course of a conversation Mr. Chi hearing me express my intense wishes to see my mother, asked "Do you want to see your mother?"
3
"Yes," said I. "I would give anything to see her"
4
"Then" remarked he looking wise and dignified "repeat Kuan Se Um Bo Sal with your thought concentrated at the spot 3 inches below the naval for hundred days"
5
This led him to honor me with a Buddhistic sermon three hours long. As far as I could get any coherent thought from the cloud and smoke of highsounding but empty words in which a Buddhist either honestly or cunningly hides his ignorance, the main points of the talk were:
6
1. In the Buddhistic paradise (極樂世界) there are theree Buddhas. A Mi Ta Bul(阿彌陀佛) is the ruler. His chief Minister are Kwan Se Um Bo Sal and Tai Se Chi Bo Sal(大勢至菩薩) .
7
2. When I asked why I should pray to Kuan Se UM if there a higher Buddha the answer was that the Chief or Lord Buddha is too high in rank to attend to the wants of common people, while it was the special province of Kuan Se Um to help the poor and relieve the sorrowful.
8
3. Space is infinite therefore Worlds are numberless, Worlds are numberless therefore Beings are numberless; Beings are numberless therefore Knowledge is infinite in variety and degree; Knowledge is infinite therefore merit and Retributions are infinite in number and shades.
9
4. Buddhas are infinite in number filling the infinite space. We can't see them with our eyes.
10
5. There are thirty three heavens and eighteen degrees or stories of hell. A year in a heaven is equal to hundreds of our years while myriads of years in hell are experienced in the twinkling of the eye. Mr. Chi illustrated the latter by the seeming length of time in a dream.
11
6. There are in hells an infinite number of hungry devils. Their mouths are as small as the eye of a needle while their bellies are as big as large tubs.
12
7. When a bad man dies (1) he goes into a hell; (2) becomes a hungry devil; (3) then a brute; (4) then, after myriads of years, a savage; (5) then a civilized man.
13
8. A Buddha enjoys six enlightenments viz., of the ear; of the eye; of the previous existence; of perfect freedom; of reading other's mind; of everything. 天耳通; 天眼通; 宿命通; 如意通; 他心通; 漏盡通. Heavenly beings have only five enlightenments.
14
9. Men, beasts, fowls, fishes, insects, grass and trees all have the Buddhistic nature (佛性) or soul.
15
10. A soul (心靈) is neither born nor annihilated, neither soiled nor cleansed, neither increased nor decreased, neither existing nor non-existing.
16
11. All appearance is unreal; inreality itself is unreal. 空本非有 何況色乎.
17
12. After Shacka had entered the Nevanah, twenty eight Buddhas were produced in the West(西城) . The twenty eighth came to the East and became the first of the six Buddhas of the East. (1) 達磨; (2) 惠可; (3) 僧燦; (4) 道信; (5) 洪忍; (6) 惠能.
18
13. When Shacka preached, his words were understood by all beings, both animate and inanimate.
19
14. There are three methods by which one may become a Buddha (1) Fixed contemplation for the first class intellects; (2) Concentrated meditation of or on some object; (3) repeating Buddhas' name. The last is for common folks.
20
15. Enlightenment comes to a man according to the class of intellect he may belong to. A first class person may get enlightenment in 3 days, if he or she concentrates the thought or meditation on an object without letting the mind wander. A second class person gets enlightened in 6 days while a third class common mortal requires 6 days for the enlightenment. But since the perfect concentration being almost impossible, the time for enlightenment ranges from ten years to the end of life. Some never get there!
21
16. When once enlightened, eighty four thousand(八萬四千法門) knowledge gates are at once thrown open.
22
17. The present is only a dream. When a good man dies, he goes to the lowest grade of paradise irrespective of his religion. In this paradise food and remaint; houses and palaces, furniture and servants, in fact everything comes as one wishes. In the paradise the souls are called the Heavenly Beings. Here Buddha preaches to them after having subdued their hearts by his infinite power and wisdom.
23
18. A heavenly being often falls back into this world by loving the pleasures of the lowest paradise too much. A person's enjoyments are dealt out to him or her in the paradise according to the number of good deeds done. Therefore if he or she neglects to accumulate more merits in the low paradise for the higher one, the deposits may be exhausted in course of time and drop the party into this world. When a heavenly being falls, he is generally born into the royal or noble family of the land into which he may be dropt.
 
24
Well, these are some of the points of Mr. Chi's Buddhism. A miserable stuff they are. Some one may say this is not true Buddhism. Then where is it? Not two men in Corea or Japan or China can give the same answer. It seems each fellow has his own version or perversion of Buddhism. And why not? Out of the multitudinous volumes of the Buddhist scriptures there can be no difficult in picking out any nonsense one may take liking to. They call this profound because there is no bottom in it for any one to stand on lofty; because there is nothing about it to touch, much less to grasp; broad because it is so thin; wonderful because it is so obscure.
25
Mr. Chi laughed at the Christian doctrine of everlasting heaven and hell, of God and of Christ as too narrow, and too mechanical.
26
Buddhism is a regular India rubber ball. It gives nothing to handle with. It being so vague and undefined one may modify it into any shape or form. It is a first class system to lie in though a wretched affair to stand upon.
27
The funniest and often provoking thing about Buddhism is that its professors really don't know what they are professing. I asked Mr. Chi 6 or 7 times what I should do to become a Buddha. He led me around the Buddhist heavens and hells without giving me the most important answer to my satisfaction. Then the idea that one may try all his life without being able to become a Buddha! The division of the Christian theology is much derided. But I challenge the whole Christendom to show me a single man of ordinary intelligence and of average piety who has given even a few days study to the subject who may not be able to give in a few words (1) the plan of Christian salvation, (2) its cardinal doctrines. (3) and the ways how one may become a Christian. Mr. Chi is a rare thinker and scholar. He brags that he has studied Buddhism for all his life and that he understands it to the core. And behold! He couldn't give me a clear-cut and satisfactory statement of the cardinal doctrines of his religion and of the ways how I might become a Buddha in a boring talk four hours long.
28
I am getting disgusted with Buddhism. I had never thought it such a humbug before I tried to know something of it. It is a doomed religion. The Buddhists of Japan, Corea and China will try to preserve their faith by patching it up with modern notions and some of Christian truths. But then that can not be called Buddhism.
 

11. 12월 25일

1
25th. Monday. A cold and cloudy morning. A beautiful noon and p.m.
 
2
Took dinner at Professor Bonnell's.
3
Miss Lilian is one of the prettiest and at the same time haughtiest girls I have ever seen. Loving her parents as much as I do, I never can feel at home in their parlor or dining room when she is present. She is a bit of ice and Miss Mary Allen, a beam of sunshine.
4
Arthur Allen expects to go home soon.
 

12. 12월 31일

1
31st. Sunday. A pretty day for December.
 
2
Took dinner(tiffin) at Professor Bonnell's.
3
At the table Miss Lilian said that if she were a man she would not marry a woman who might "sume round" her; that she would not marry a man until she be sure of his superiority to her in head.
4
A preacher in his farewell sermon said to his congregation "You don't love God because there is no death among you; you don't love each other because you do not marry; you do not love me because you don't pay my salary you send me worm-eaten nuts, therefore by your fruit you are known".
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