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◈ 윤치호일기 (1893년) ◈

◇ 3월 ◇

해설목차  1권  2권  3권 4권  5권  6권  7권  8권  9권  10권  11권  12권  윤치호

1. 3월 1일

1
1st. Wednesday.
 
2
Went to bed early and got up this a.m. at 5.
3
Justifiable or not, my hard feelings against Bell are unchristian and damaging.
4
“If any man have not the spirit of Christ he is none of His." Be it therefore resolved:―
5
1. That I shall give him a cordial handshaking on every convenient occasions. In short, be civil to him as if he were a stranger and not one familiarity with whom has bred contempt.
6
2. That I shall refuse him no small kindnesses (for large kindnesses I have always been ready to do him) he may ask for or stand in need.
7
3. That I shall say nothing provoking to him in company or against him behind his back.
8
4. That I shall pray God to bless him―this is the hardest to do in the resolution.
9
Try this resolution as a F.R. for this month and see if it does not sweeten my life.
10
Delighted by letters from darling sister and Miss Fannie. Answered both.
 

2. 3월 4일

1
4th. Saturday. Very cold. Water was frozen up in my room last night and stayed so all through the day. Snowflakes in the morning.
 
2
Boisterous wind blowing down fences, unhinging sashes, blasting flowers and buds.
3
Put all the p.m. between 2 and 6:30 in writing a sketch of Neesima's life.
 

3. 3월 5일

1
5th. Sunday.
 
2
Dr. Candler preached a fine sermon on faith.
3
1. You can not define breathing. The less you are conscious of breathing, the better off you are! You can not define faith. The less you are conscious of your faith the healthier your religion is.
4
2. Faith is not merit but power.
5
3. We have a great deal of faith only in wrong things. Transfer your faith in public opinion to God's law; in social influence to that of the Spirit; in the things that are seen and temporal to those unseen and eternal.
6
The keynote of Dr. Candler's life and precepts is naturalness opposed to artificiality, sincerity opposed to sham, positiveness opposed to indecision.
7
Did not enjoy the night service, being too sleepy.
 

4. 3월 6일

1
6th. Monday. A bracing and bright day.
 
2
In the lecture room this morning Dr. Candler said:
3
1. Own homes! Homes are being destroyed in this country by poverty and laziness among the low and by boardinghouse system among the fashionable. I'd rather live in a two-roomed cabin where I may be the monarch of all I survey than board in Kemball house.
4
2. Do not be jealous of the ownership of land and home by the Negro. A negro with a home is a better citizen than one who can move only by calling a dog after him and pulling his wife by her left ear.
5
3. Many a people is afraid to be liberal because of the crowd who peck at him. After Mr. Seney had given100,000 to Emory he was beset with applications of all sorts. A girl asked him for a sum to get her a p-i-a-n-o!
 

5. 3월 8일

1
8th. Wednesday. A holiday on account of this being the anniversary of Phi Gamma, Freeman Jones made a good speech on money worship versus hero worship.
 
2
After the dinner took a rest until 4 p.m. Spent the time between this and 11 in writing the sketch of Neesima's life.
3
Rained exceeding hard between 9 and 10.
4
The following plan suggested itself to my prayerful consideration.
5
1. The200 now in Dr. Candler's charge shall be put out on interest under his care.
6
2. I shall travel this summer on a lecturing tour; and remit any amount beyond R.R. expenses and my return expenses, to Dr. Candler to be put out on interest.
7
3. Within three years after my return to Shanghai, if I find it practicable to open a mission school in Corea, this sum and whatever interest it may have borne in that time shall be devoted to such an enterprise.
8
4. If I can not go home any time with in the three years. but if the So. M.E. shall establish a mission there, this sum shall be turned over to the Board to be used for educational purposes in Corea.
9
5. In case neither of these events happens any time inside of three years the sum shall be disposed of in such way as I may see fit at the expiration of the time.
10
This is very crude and ill-digested plan. But I hope it will be a step toward some definite and feasible scheme for a Christian College in Corea.
 

6. 3월 11일

1
11th. Saturday. Rained some in the morning. Damp most of the day.
 
2
Had a lively discussion in the Society on the question that the N.G. Conference did right to assess4,000 for Emory. The Negatives held:
3
1. That it is unjust to tax the poor Methodists to support a college to which they can not send their children.
4
2. That is unfair for Dr. Candler to complain the state for taxing the people to keep up the state university and then he himself bull-dodges the conferences for more money in the interest of Emory.
5
3. This tyranny prejudices people against the college.
6
4. That it is a "hoggish ingratitude" said Marvin Williams to levy this tax on the poor people who have volunteered to give the college200,000.
 
7
The Affirmatives said:
8
1. Emory has done and is doing invaluable service for the state and the church. It is therefore the duty of the citizen and of the Methodist to support the institution.
9
2.4,000 spread over 80,000 members gives only 5¢ per head. This trifling sum will do no good in the pocket of an individual, but the aggregation of nickels by thousands in the hand of the college will yield much fruit.
10
3. Many a man, while complaining the requirements of the church as grievous, spend in tobacco and liquor far more than they give to the Lord.
11
4. Fosters the spirit of generosity.
12
5. The assessment brings Emory to the notice of the people.
 
13
The affirmative side won the decision.
14
M. Williams is one of the best debators in the College. But he is too much of a schemer and a politician. Her reminds me of Jeff McCann.
15
In the early part of the p.m. I wrote to Dr. Candler the following letter:
16
"My dear Doctor: With the next June will come the end of my strangely checkered school career. I shall go forth from these classic shades not as a learner in the sense that I am now but as an actor. Thank you for the new conception of manhood and higher tone of character you have set before me by your example and teaching.
17
"The excitement of commencements and the separation for the summer will soon be on us. I beg you, therefore, to bear with me a few moments in this quieter time for a matter of some importance.
18
"In 1885, the party with which my father and I had been identified went to pieces. The vengeance of a barbarous government fell heavily on my family. Today I am ignorant even whether my parents are living or―! To my nation I owe very little above a good family and better parents. Yet instinct and conscience tell me that if there is any people to whom my best is due, it is my countrymen.
19
"But circumstanced as I am, go home I can not. To wait is the only alternative. I want to turn this waiting to some account. Here is a plan―
20
1. I have200 in your charge. I want to make this the nucleus of a fund for establishing a Christian school in Corea.
21
2. This summer I may travel as I did last year. If I come out of it as well, I may be able to increase the fund by200 beyond my R.R. expenses and a passage for Shanghai.
22
3. After my return to Shanghai, should I find it possible for me to go home, a mission school should be started on this fund.
23
4. If the church should establish a mission in Corea before I could go back. the fund shall be turned over to the Board to be used for educational purpose in the mission.
24
5. In case neither of these events happen within say 5 years after my return to China the said fund shall be devoted to some other worthy cause.
 
25
"To this it may be objected:
26
1. The plan is too crude. True: I don not put forward this scheme as finished. It may, however crude, lead to some definite and practicable result.
27
2. The sum is too small. Yet! but it is large enough to give a purpose to my life and a bend to my purpose.
28
3. Why should the fund be under your charge? First I want to put is beyond the reach of any unwise expenditure on my part. Secondly I want to secure your interest and influence in the movement.
29
"Nath Thompson hinted that the College might support me. I will not be chargeable to the College for nothing of the sort. While I am determined to decline any offer for my personal support, may it not be possible to secure the pledge of the College to help the plan in case it proves a success?"
30
Spent all the p.m. and the night to 10:30 in copying off the sketch of N.'s life.
 

7. 3월 12일

1
12th. Sunday. A beautiful day. Windy p.m.
 
2
Professor Harris preached a finished and profitable sermon. His style is a keen sword which cuts neat and deep by reason of skill and sharpness; while that of Dr. Candler is a well tempered ax which splits any resistance by reason of force and weight. Professor H. said:
3
1. Patience is holding fast to one's conviction. Crying or smiling, silence or clamor argues neither courage or cowardice. Silent suffering was the gospel of Thomas Carlyle―a gospel which he himself did not practice but in part. But I love him because his irritability and clamor which were purely natural did not loose his grip on his convictions. Stoic patience dehumanizes its hero by repressing the external manifestations of pain and sorrow; but Christian patience indulges in the free play of our natural emotions while holding to its convictions with an iron grasp.
4
2. Silence is a luxury of the wise but an absolute necessity for a fool.
5
3. To test the degeneration or advancement of the character of one age compared to that of another measure their respective capacity for long-suffering for truth. The same test should be used to ascertain the comparative quality of an individual character at different periods of life.
 

8. 3월 16일

1
16th. Thursday. Very cold―only a little milder than yesterday.
 
2
This has been a wretched week to me. The old ailment disturbed my sleep every night since last Saturday except Tuesday night. Just dragged through the recitations. The wind and severe cold seem to aggravate the feeling of miserableness.
3
Received a letter from Dr. Allen asking my plans for the future, so that he could present my case to the Board of Missions meeting next May. I answered that I did not care to bother the Board about myself and that I would leave the whole thing to his own judgment.
4
Wrote to Mrs. Abbie H. Was almost tempted to call her my dear mother! Wish she love me 1/100 as much as I do her.
5
Mrs. Candler got a new baby last Sunday.
 

9. 3월 17일

1
17th. Friday. Cold, damp, gloomy―a wretched day.
 
2
After supper called on Dr. Candler. Told him the substance of my answer to Dr. Allen. He said-
3
1. That he could raise5000 for the school scheme in Corea.
4
2. That it would be possible and desirable to educate two or three Coreans in this College.
5
3. That my returning could be effected through the good offices of the U.S.'s diplomatists in Corea.
6
4. That Dr. Callaway is trying to get into some diplomatic service.
7
Among other things Dr. Candler asked me about the relation of Corea with China, the political trouble which drove me out of Corea, the character of the King etc. etc.
8
If this plan for the Christian education in Corea be of Thee, O God, nothing shall prevent its success! If not, Thou knowest what to do with it.
 

10. 3월 19일

1
19th. Sunday. Bright but cold.
 
2
Being too cold to stay in the room took a long walk across the field behind Dr. Martin's, then through woods and came back by Mr. Haden's house on the hill. Bishop Haygood preached the morning sermon.
3
After dinner took a long walk via West street in Midway to Covington and back. Had a deal of amusement by talking Corean to groups of negro boys. Some of them said "He has no sense" while others sighed they could speak French―thinking what I said to be in that language. With the exception of one fellow who politely called me a "Damn fool" because he could not understand me, profanity was remarkably rare among the ill-clad Ethiopean boys. Could hardly have expected such decency of language from an equal number of white boys as ragged as those negroes.
4
At the breakfast table:
5
Mrs. Berry "Faith says her mother forbade her to play with Luddie."
6
Mr. Berry "Why, I am as good as Professor Harris."
7
Mrs. Berry "But she is a Preacher's wife."
8
Mr. Berry "He has no more money than I."
9
Mrs. Berry "But she is educated."
10
Mr. Berry "That won't carry her to heaven."
11
Mrs. Harris is a bright little woman. But she is haughty inspite of her efforts to the contrary, capricious and shallow.
12
Attended the S.S.
 

11. 3월 23일

1
23rd. Thursday. Warm and gloomy.
 
2
Received a letter from Professor N.B.B. He said that the Corean mission matter should be relegated to the future and that I ought to discourage any movement toward it―all very wise. But this cautiousness illustrates the utter absence of the heroic or daring element in all the missionary movements of the M.E. Ch. S. in the East. This tameness illcompares with Moravian heroism, Presbyterian perseverance and the aggressiveness of M.E. church, North.
3
Dr. Allen and the late Dr. Lambeth excepted, I have yet to see a missionary of the S. Methodism who proves himself capable of standing the storm in the East. The noble women missionaries have already outran their breatheren in selfdenial, courage and push.
 

12. 3월 24일

1
24th. Friday. Damp and warm. Had a vigorous shower this morning.
 
2
Sat up until 12:30 in the night to finish reading Romola. It is a splendid book. The characters are natural and consistent. One of the lessons of the book seems to show to great fact that as one's ruling passion is, so is his character. Tito's ruling passion was love of pleasure. His life was ignoble and his death wretched. Revenge led Baldassare. His life was at least nobler than that of Tito. The triumph of Christ's Kingdom was the goal of Savanarola. His life was great and his death heroic.
3
Romola's character is more complex because of the conflicting emotions she was compelled to suffer. But under all circumstances, love, reverence, pity beautified by her feminine purity and dignified by her lofty pride, ruled and sustained her. I love her.
 

13. 3월 26일

1
26th. Sunday. A lovely day. Quite warm in the p.m.
 
2
Bishop Haygood preached. Among other good things he said that we could never understand Providence if we were to measure it with our short calendars.
3
After dinner went to the Poor Farm, and came back thoroughly worn out. Had to rest until supper.
4
Dr. Allen preached the evening sermon. He gave a masterly discourse on the opportunities that China now holds out to the church to avail herself of in spreading the Gospel. Among the forces that are at work to compel China to introduce the modes of modern civilization he numbered (1) the extraterritorial privileges which European and American states enjoy on China's soil to her disgrace; (2) commerce: (3) the aggressive powers that hem her in on all sides.
 

14. 3월 27일

1
27th. Monday. A chilly and gloomy day.
 
2
Had a wretched time of it from a bad feeling.
3
After supper called on Dr. Allen in Dr. Candler's office. As usual he was full of cheering and encouraging words for me. In regard to the A.C.C. he said:
4
1. The great check to its success is the absence of an assured staff. We had hoped that Professor Bonnell would prove an efficient help, but he disappointed us. He has never applied himself to the study of Chinese. He can not make even a S.S. talk in it. Bishop Key told him last fall that he must work or return home. I am told he has set himself to work.
5
2. Bishop Wilson is a cold man. Has never shown me any kindness and sympathy nor to anybody else. He went to China three times but he never got into her state of affairs anywhere a thousand leagues in sight of it. Bishop Key is better.
6
3. I want Bishop Haygood to go out there. He is well informed of and in sympathy with the work. Likely he may visit Corea.
7
He said that the plan of teaching the boys of Christian parents on the basis of charity in the A.C.C. has proved a failure on account of the ingratitude of the boys.
8
I asked him if an efficient staff of teachers could hold boys through a course of definite studies. He said that the demand for young men in the government schools is so pressing and constant that it is almost impossible to carry a class through a curriculum. "But" said he "we feed the government institutions with our boys who may be more or less brought into the influence of the Gospel. Our education in China now is in the stage of experiment."
9
He is a constant and cheerful talker. He repeats things he told me many a time before. He speaks of himself and his friends in a manner that seems to justify the accusation of his being egoistic. He has a magnificient health to which no doubt he largely owes his invaluable energy and success.
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◈ 윤치호일기 (1893년) ◈

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페이지 최종 수정일: 2004년 1월 1일