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◈ 윤치호일기 (1905년) ◈

◇ 4월 ◇

해설목차  1권  2권  3권  4권 5권  6권  7권  8권  9권  10권  11권  12권  윤치호

1. 4월 20일

1
20th.(16th of 3rd Moon). Jundong
 
2
My Precious Sainted Love:
3
Since I wrote you, my Darling, my Sweet heart, my Angel, just a month has past. Last Sunday, the 16th, we, our children and I, went to the Foreign Cemetery to visit your tomb. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes to hear the children say "Motherꡑs tomb." They are so young, yet have to talk about their mother's tomb, when they need mother's kisses, mother's breast, and mother's love! We took some flowers, peach blossoms, from our own home to put on your tomb. The flowers you planted last year have put forth little leaves. Leaves and flowers go and come but you, my own Flower, have gone to come back no more. My only consolation that cheers me and lights up the horizon with a divine rainbow is that I shall in course of time take you to my longing bosom in all your glorified beauty and with all your undying love. Now let me give you a brief resume of what has happened since I wrote you last.
4
1. On the 1st April, was signed between Hayashi and Yi Ha Yung the so called contract by virture of which the Korean Department of Communication fell into the hands of the Japanese. Though the contract was signed in the Foreign Office, I did not know anything about it until I read it in the papers. Yi Ha Yung never consulted me concerning the matter. In fact, I am barely on speaking terms with Yi Ha Yung. I despise him for his unblushing lies, his selfishness and his underhanded dealings. I try my best to avoid any unpleasant scenes with him, first because I don't care to be thought jealous of his monopolizing the spoils of the office in the way of appointments etc; and secondly, because well, what is the use of it? I can not help stopping the accelerated speed with which the Emperor and his favorites are hurrying this country into national conciliation by quarreling with such a rascal as Yi Ha Yung for his personal unkindness to me. However, I am trying to get out of this office, though so far with no success.
5
2. On the 16th inst., I moved into my Father's house in the city. My Darling, you may well imagine my sorrow for leaving our pretty little house. But I must by degrees take charge of the family affairs. I can not do that by living apart from my Father. I must also look after the interest of our dear children. My removal to the city seems to please my parents, naturally. Amah and our little pet Helen Hardie are still in our Yak Hyon House, there being no room for them yet in Jun-Dong.
6
3. My mother selected a girl for me to whom I was engaged a month ago. As you know, my mother has to do everything, from the selection and engagement of a bride to the details of the nuptial arrangements I know no more about the girl than the proverbial man in the moon. In a letter to Dr. Gale I said something to the following effect:
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"I do not expect much from such a marriage. If one had reasons to entertain high expectations from a marriage, my last union was full of them. But the eleven years of our wedded life were so full of toils, trials and trouble that one of the sweetest, bravest and the most loving women that ever breathed was sent to a premature grave. No, Doctor, I have learned from bitter experience that it is folly to indulge in expectations of happiness from events whose unfolding covers any length of time. If it is true that sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof, is it not also true that sufficient unto the day are the expectations thereof? If I have any happiness from the coming marriage, for instance, it will be welcome as a surprise, agreeable indeed, yet still a surprise rather than a matter of course."
8
Darling, please pardon me for this seemingly indecent haste. If the choice were between single blessedness and married worry I would never marry again. If the choice was between mere loneliness and a pleasant companion, I would stay as I am, at least for the time being. But as the choice is between a peculiar bachelor's evil and matrimonial cure to say nothing about family and domestic considerations I have to choose the cure. By the way, Dr. Gale is the only Foreign friend, so far, to whom I have confided the news of my coming marriage.
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4. The Japanese are now pressing the Korean government to recall its ministers in foreign capitals. The Japanese in the country behave so badly that Koreans detest them. However they are obliged to welcome even the Japanese, not that they hate the Japanese less but that they hate the Emperor more. The Japanese know this perfectly, hence they encourage the Emperor in all his abominable devilments, first to make the government of Korea stink in the nostrils of the world; and, second, to compel the Korean to choose the Japanese as the lesser evil compared to the despotism of the Emperor. To substantiate my views you have only to look at the men with whom the Japanese are surrounding the Emperor. Yi Yong Ik, Yi Chi Yong, Yi Kun Taik, Yi Kun Ho, Yi Kun Sang, Yi Kun Hong, Yi Bong Nai, Yi Ha Yong, Kil Yung Soo, Kim Yung Jin, Min Yung Chul etc. in fact all the scoundrels who have made Korea what she is today.
10
5. The long-talked of Baltic fleet are now actually between Hong-Kong and Formosa. A great naval battle is expected at any moment. Ten to one, the Russians will again be whipped; but if they happen to send the Japanese fleet to the bottom, who can tell the consequences to the world in general and to Korea in particular?
11
6. Mr. Stevens, whose opinions I highly respect concerning all other Foreign powers represented in Seoul, thanks to his native intelligence and shrewdness, coupled with his long experience in diplomacy, is a thorough-going Japanophile. He tells me that the Japanese are a generous people. Well I expect to hear him say next that the Japanese are a nation of angels in kimono. I wish Korea had such advisors when there was some chance. But then under the Emperor, what chance could there have been if we had a Soulful of Stevens?
 
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Well, good-bye for the meanwhile,
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Yours affectionately,
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T.H.Y.
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