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◈ 윤치호일기 (1891년) ◈

◇ 3월 ◇

해설목차  1권  2권  3권 4권  5권  6권  7권  8권  9권  10권  11권  윤치호

1. 3월 1일 (음 1월 21일)

1
1st. Sunday. Cold and cloudy with intervals of sunshine.
 
2
Attended the W.E. S.S.
3
Stayed in the room all the day to get up a short description of China Mission of M.E. Ch. S. to be read in the Sunday M. Society.
 

2. 3월 2일 (음 1월 22일)

1
2nd. Monday. Cold, gloomy, windy, cheerless. Rained all the night.
 
2
Recit. usual.
 

3. 3월 3일 (음 1월 23일)

1
3rd. Tuesday. Hard rain all the morning.
 
2
Recit. usual.
 

4. 3월 4일 (음 1월 24일)

1
4th. Wednesday. Fair most of the day.
 
2
Recit. usual.
 

5. 3월 5일 (음 1월 25일)

1
5th. Thursday. Cloudy and cold and gloomy.
 
2
Recit. usual.
 

6. 3월 6일 (음 1월 26일)

1
6th. Friday. Cloudy rained in the night.
 
2
Recit. usual. Attended the protracted service at W.E. Ch.
 

7. 3월 7일 (음 1월 27일)

1
7th. Saturday. Rained hard all the a.m. Cleared after dinner. Rained in the night.
 
2
Recit. usual.
 

8. 3월 8일 (음 1월 28일)

1
8th. Sunday. Cloudy, gloomy rainy.
 
2
Attended W.E. S.S. and the morning service. My health is a poorly state. Buying medicine has cost me nearly $4.
3
Wandering thoughts:
4
1. Many call Dr. Martin a crank. One-not a student-said a day or so ago that he had no use for Dr. M. in the world. But I like his method of teaching. I do not agree with all or some of what he says in the class-room. His talks are suggestive. This is a great deal.
5
2. Read in the "Churchman" an article in which a Japanese is quoted to have said that Corea had paid tribute to Japan and that Japan did not recognize the independence of Corea until 18--. What a stuff of lies! A Japanese will tell any kind of lies if it serves his patriotism. However in this case. the Japanese may have said only the Japanese side of the relation that had existed between Japan and Corea.
6
3. I have very, very, very little confidence in the so-called histories of Japan, Corea and China. They are full of lies-down right lies. specially in matters concerning foreign intercourse. These so-called histories record and most outrageously exaggerate what the historian, whether a Japanese or a Corean, or a Chinese, think best suited to his prejudices and pride. When I read an Asiatic history, I take the main facts and let all the lying elaborations go.
7
4. A time there was when I tried to vindicate the independence of Corea. Now I do not care to do that. Independence or no independence, the country, as long as she is under present government, is not worth talking about. A time there was when I felt proud to estimate the population of Corea at from 20 to 15 millions. I maintained this as an article of faith. Now I am ashamed of saying that Corea has even 10 millions The larger population a poor downtrodden country has, the greater shame it is to her.
8
5. I believe that the devotional and doctrinal portions of the Bible were written by inspiration. So were the prophetical parts. But the historical portions were written by ordinary men. There can be no doubt that some facts and figures recorded in the Old Testament were the creation of the imagination or superstition of the time and people and not of actual occurrence. King Saul and the witch, and the prophet and his speaking ass are the examples. Now then, it may be objected, if you admit this, how can you tell what actually happened and what did not? Let everyone, I answer, exercise his own judgment in this matter.
9
6. The passions, anger, hate, love, repentance, etc. which the prophets attribute to God, and the imageries, illustrations, and parables which the prophets introduce under "the Lord said unto me"-all this is the means and channels thro which the prophets convey the truth as spiritually revealed to them. These imageries and illustrations were not dictated by the H. Spirit.
10
7. Even the inspired Apostles did not escape errors-errors immaterial to our salvation-in interpreting the records of the O.T. or the sayings of our blessed Jesus. For instance, St. Paul and St. Peter did not know when Christ's second coming would be. St. Paul's doctrine of predestination, what difference is there between it and Calvin's? As I do not believe Cal.'s predestination, I do not believe Paul's either.
11
After the Sunday Evening Miss. Meeting was over. I went in Wilson's room and had a happy time of words, of peace and prayers.
12
Wrote to Bell whose letter I had some days ago received.
 

9. 3월 9일 (음 1월 29일)

1
9th. Monday. Rained and snowed some in the early part of the morning. Cleared up into a sunny afternoon.
 
2
Recit. usual.
 

10. 3월 10일 (음 2월 1일)

1
10th. (二月初一). Tuesday. Bright and windy.
 
2
Recit. usual.
3
Read "Hawthorne and His Wife" Vol. I. It has a large proportion of the letters between H. and his wife. The burden of the epistles is eulogy, eulogy, eulogy. I do not blame Mrs. H. for praising a man like H. or H. for praising a woman like Sophia H. But I do blame the biographer for boring the reader to death with so great a number of mutual admiration-society records of fond lovers.
4
My seclusive subjectivism grows stronger every day. I can not bear for a moment the company of anybody except that of the most intimate friend. Love for free and friendly nature is hereby increased. Hatred of all conventional sham and affectation grows intensified. But the harm resulting from this excessive shyness is greater than its benefit. It makes me exceedingly sensitive. It deprives me of the pleasures of society. It inclines me to misanthropy. Common sense and religion only keep me from running into extremes of the these injurious tendencies.
 

11. 3월 11일 (음 2월 2일)

1
11th. (初二). Wednesday. Cold-rained-windy.
 
2
Recit. usual.
3
After supper went to Fisk University with several boys to hear Mr. Cossan speak to the colored students on "Students' Volunteer Movement." One characteristic that struck me in regard to the colored students was that the white professors spoke for them. This showed that the students have not yet reached the independence and freedom that the white students possess.
 

12. 3월 12일 (음 2월 3일)

1
12th. (初三). Thursday. Cold-gloomy. Rainde in the night.
 
2
Recit. usual.
3
Broken rest of last night compelled me to take a nap.
 

13. 3월 13일 (음 2월 4일)

1
13th. (初四). Friday. Bright and cold. Snow covered the ground early this morning.
 
2
Recit. usual.
 

14. 3월 14일 (음 2월 5일)

1
14th. (初五). Saturday. Very bright and very cold.
 
2
Recit. usual.
3
This morning none of the theological professors being present in the chapel, Dr. Garland led the devotional exercises. These professors ought to know better than that.
4
Attended the prayer meeting in the W.E. Ch. led by Dr. Smith. His talk to the young children was very interesting and instructive. At the end of the talk he asked those boys and girls to kneel down who wanted to accept Christ in their youth. The beautiful sight of pretty little boys and girls kneeling touched my emotion, roused my prayers, moved my tears. Here I like to ask myself whether I would have been so moved by the sight if the boys and girls were negro children. I don't think I would. But two things are plain:
5
1. The emotion-I can not explain why it was roused-was genuine because it was unaffected.
6
2. Because our sympathies and love are not wide they are not therefore to be slighted or stifled.
 

15. 3월 15일 (음 2월 6일)

1
15th. (初六). Sunday. Cold but beautiful.
 
2
Attended W.E. S.S. and the morning service.
3
Pastor Brown preached a straight forward sermon. I do not like his frequent wailing or sobbing voice in which he expresses his feelings. So much like affectation.
4
Attended the afternoon meeting in W.E. Ch.
 

16. 3월 16일 (음 2월 7일)

1
16th. (初七). Monday. A beautiful day.
 
2
Recit. usual.
3
Tried to read outdoors. but everything seemed so delightful around me that I had to quit the nonsense of trying to read outdoors in the first lovely day after so many gloomy ones.
4
Finished the Life of Hawth. I like his character, so serene, so modest, so husbandly, so fatherly, so observant, so reflective, so refined and so liberal! Una seems to me a most tender, affectionate and lovable woman.
 

17. 3월 17일 (음 2월 8일)

1
17th. (初八). Tuesday. A delightful day.
 
2
Recit. usual.
3
Wandering thoughts:
4
1. It is the Devil that so often whispers to me that I am not a Christian, because I do not always feel happy and confident. The fact is that I am Christian and a good one too. I have faith in, and love for God. The great trouble with me is that I look to feeling too much.
5
2. I often fall into despondency because I can not always bo consistent. But who is he that can boast of perfect consistency between words and works? Who is he that can live up to his ideals? Nobody except he whose ideals are as low as deeds. No doubt the man who, believing that life consists in eating and drinking and being merry, spends his time and money in sensual pleasures is more consistent than he who. looking at Jesus as his ideal, falls in occasional shortcomings. But I would rather be inconsistent with a high ideal of life and character than be consistent on a low plane.
6
3. The Unitarian Church has not taken any part in sending the gospel to heathen lands. Thus the sect that emphasizes the human side of Christianity most is least zealous for the elevation of the degraded humanity in heathendom. A fact worth noticing.
7
At 5 p.m. attended the first meeting of "The Volunteer Mission Band" in the Hall. The Band has about 17 members. Of these only a very few took part in the meeting.
8
After supper went down to the Gymnasium to attend the religious meeting among the students held there by the Y.M.C.A. Mr. Sayford a Bostonian led the meeting. He devotes himself to the revival of religion among the college boys in the U.S.
 

18. 3월 18일 (음 2월 9일)

1
18th. (初九). Wednesday. Windy and pleasant. Sunshine struggling through clouds, much like a man on whose face smile plays occasionally through the clouds of weariness and anxiety. Rained in the night.
 
2
Recit. usual. After supper, attended the Sayford meeting. Received a letter from Rawlings. He is married.
 

19. 3월 19일 (음 2월 10일)

1
19th. (初十). Thursday. Cloudy-windy-with occasional sunshine.
 
2
Recit. usual.
3
Very fretful this morning. Am tired of Dr. Tillet's 38 and 40 pages' lessons. If I were to quit Vanderbilt today, I would be sorry to leave some persons and some studies. But heartily would I be glad to leave Dr. T. and his theology.
4
After supper attended Sayford's meeting. Dr. Bemis was there-a rare thing to see a member of the Faculty-in the students' religious meeting. Dr. B. is any way, a most sweet and gentlemanly Christian.
 

20. 3월 20일 (음 2월 11일)

1
20th. (十一). Friday. Cloudy all the a.m. Sunny p.m.
 
2
Recit. usual. This morning Dr. Smith said in the class something like this:
3
"Bretheren, I have never seen a Christian institution in which the Faculty shows as little interest in the religious condition of the students as the Faculty of this university. Meetings have been going on in W.E. Ch.-the university church-for the past 3 weeks. The Faculty not only shows no interest in that none of its members attends the meeting, but decries the earnest methods used in the meetings for the conversion of sinners. These professing Christians, the leaders to whom the students look up as examples in learning and religion, denounce enthusiasm as excitement or fanaticism. Respectibility is their shibboleth. If this thing goes on I shall resign, not because my resignation is of any importance, but because it goes against my conscience to be in the Faculty. Under present circumstances. I should not persuade any Methodist to send his children to this university. Such religious indifference in an avowedly Christian school is injustice to our patrons."
4
I agree with Dr. S. However, until the Faculty of theological department shows more warmth in its religious life. I shall not blame the literary Faculty.
5
Dr. Smith is strong common sense incarnated. He is affable, prudent, sincere and courageous. There is no Dr. A's whine, or Dr. T's stiffness in him.
6
After supper attended Sayford's meeting. He attacked 7 temptations peculiar to a student. They were smoking, card playing, drinking, theatre going, dancing, licentiousness, masturbation. He did much good to the boys by presenting these subjects so forcefully and skillfully. I object, however, to his rather detailed remarks on licentiousness. I think this does more harm than good―at least to me. He said that masturbation is a besetting sin to vast majority of school and college boys.
 

21. 3월 21일 (음 2월 12일)

1
21st. (十二). Saturday. Little sunshine, much cold, more rain―strong north and north-west wind.
 
2
Recit. Usual. After supper, attended Sayford's meeting.
 

22. 3월 22일 (음 2월 13일)

1
22nd. (十三). Sunday. A fine day.
 
2
Attended the W.E. S.S. and the morning service at More Memorial Church.
3
At 2 p.m. attended the last of Sayford's meeting in the Gymnasium. Some of his many excellent and suggestive remarks:
4
1. "Many of you do not want to become a Christian in a wrought-up or excited meeting. Very well. I am told you had a very quiet time during this session. Why didn't you then get converted? The truth is that all this is an idle excuse.
5
2. "Some men have just religion enough to be miserable"―a terrible thing!
6
3. "You want to think about the matter. But I tell you, you have thought about religion long enough. What you want now is action."
7
The last remark suggests to me these thoughts:
8
1. The time is past for me to doubt. All doubts ought to have been settled on the day I made my public profession. Trust and faith and no more doubt.
9
2. My late study of various theories on Final Causes and some glimpse into the Unitarian controversies in New England has unquieted my mind a great deal. But I am driven to seek refuge in childlike trust in God and Christ by the reasonable fact that all the anti-Christian philosophers have done and given nothing to take the place of Christianity; that a man whose faith is unsettled by a Spencer or Hume or Ingersol generally becomes a wreck in morals; that all this shows the danger of lightly treating God and His commandments; that Christian mysteries have been accepted by such intellects as Augustine, Luther, Calvin, Leibnitz, Kant, Bacon, Newton, etc; and that I have been a happier and better man in Christ than I was out of Him. I am tired of doubting and questioning. No more of them,-God grant!
10
Felt so ill and weary that I had to go to bed at 4 p.m. Had a nervous night.
 

23. 3월 23일 (음 2월 14일)

1
23rd. (十四). Monday. Fine-cold.
 
2
Recit. usual. Exceeding tired and sick of weakness.
 

24. 3월 24일 (음 2월 15일)

1
24th. (十五). Tuesday. Cold―pale sun―wind.
 
2
Recit. usual. Weak and weary.
 

25. 3월 25일 (음 2월 16일)

1
25th. (十六). Wednesday. Rained―cold.
 
2
Recit. usual. Received a letter from Kong.
3
So weak that moving up and down the stairs a great and trying task. My heart pants for some one―mother or sister―to pour its love and affection on. I wish I had a kind and sympathizing lady friend whom I may regard as mother or sister confiding in her bosom my hopes, and fears, sorrows and joys.
 

26. 3월 26일 (음 2월 17일)

1
26th. (十七). Thursday. Rained hard a.m.―stopped late p.m. Rained in the night.
 
2
Recit. usual. Fearfully weak.
 

27. 3월 27일 (음 2월 18일)

1
27th. (十八). Friday. Very cold―rainy.
 
2
Recit. usual.
3
After dinner, called on Dr. Trawick M.D. for advice in regard to my disease. He said that marriage would be the best medicine! For this medicine. I must wait for some years yet.
4
Attended the Month. Mission. Meeting in the Hall Chapel. The subjects were "What W.E. Ch. South has done for the Negro" and "Our(W.E. Ch.S.'s) duty to the Negro." At the end of the meeting Dr. Tillet gave a sensible and both-sided talk on the Negro question. He admitted the impracticability of granting social equality to the Negro but insisted on helping his educational and religious advantages by personal work―as teachers or preachers―and by financial contribution. He congratulated the South on the deliverance from slavery: admired the wonderful providence of overruling the sins of and errs of men. The Dr. is no doubt a conscientious principle abiding Christian.
 

28. 3월 28일 (음 2월 19일)

1
28th. (十九). Saturday. Cold―cloudy.
 
2
Recit. usual. This morning in the Economic class Dr. Bemis in connection with condensing the astounding corruption of the American city governments, said, "Perhaps the fault is partly with the church in not making duty plain to the people. The preachers, instead of talking about conversion and Holy Ghost and other such things nobody understands, should teach more of honesty in business, unselfishness and purity in politics."
3
I think I know what Dr. B. means; but I would not have said it in the same way. Honesty, self-denial and purity in business and politics are certainly good things and ought to be preached about. But conversion and Holy Ghost ought not to be neglected.
4
In the afternoon, went to the Publishing House to see Mr. Holt, who had desired an interview with me. He said that he had received a letter from Prof. W.B.B. concerning me a week or two ago; that a fund of about $100 for helping the native students of a mission field was at his command; and that he would gladly help me in money matters from the fund either as a loan or a gift. I have been for some time nickelless; my surprize at and thankfulness for, this wonderful providence can be better imagined than described.
 

29. 3월 29일 (음 2월 20일)

1
29th. (二十). Sunday. A lovely day―with a short cloudy interval.
 
2
Attended the Easter Service and the S.S. at W.E. Ch.
3
At the request of Wilson, I went to Woodvin Chapel at 4 p.m. Spent a most delightful and refreshing evening with Misses Susie and Maggie Johnson at their home. The landscape surrounding Miss Susie's cottage is very pleasant. A meander over gently sloping hills decked with grass and wild violets and girded by streams murmuring on their silvery ways, exhilarated my spirit. Miss Susie is a graduate from Dr. Price's school. She is attractive and entertaining.
4
After supper at her home, went to the chapel. the framework sanctuary was full of warmth, people, light and cheer. The mission society celebrated its aniversary and the Easter Sunday together. The recitations of little children formed an agreeable part of the program. I gave a talk on Corea―the audience seemed to be pleased.
5
Returned to the Hall at 11 in the night.
 

30. 3월 30일 (음 2월 21일)

1
30th. (二十一). Monday. Rained all the day and night. Boisterous wind.
 
2
Recit. usual.
 

31. 3월 31일 (음 2월 22일)

1
31st. (二十二). Tuesday. A beautiful day.
 
2
Recit. usual.
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